How to Gently Tell a Parent They Need Therapy

Published on: 17 Jan 2025
Clinically Reviewed by Olga Molina, D.S.W., LCSW
How to Gently Tell a Parent They Need Therapy

Most people who plan on telling a parent they should seek therapy dread the conversation. It’s likely to be draining and filled with emotions — from concern to hesitation to fear of rejection. As difficult as it may be, though, bringing up the idea of therapy can be a big step forward in supporting your mom or dad’s mental and emotional well-being.

If you’re unsure how to tell a parent they need therapy​, keep reading for actionable tips and strategies on how to talk to your parents about mental health.

Consider Their Perspective

Before telling a parent they need therapy, try stepping into their shoes to understand their perspective. Generational differences can play a significant role in the perception of therapy. Cultural factors can also shape views. In some cultures, mental health is rarely acknowledged, and therapy is considered unnecessary or even taboo.

“Seeking help is a sign of strength and self-awareness, not weakness. However, cultural barriers often shape how mental health is perceived and addressed. In Asian cultures, mental health struggles may be seen as a personal or family failure, making it essential to frame care around concepts like balance and harmony that align with traditional values while emphasizing how it benefits the family unit. In African and Caribbean communities, historical injustices can create mistrust of mental health systems, highlighting the importance of engaging trusted community leaders or faith-based organizations to build connections. Latino cultures often value endurance in the face of challenges (aguantar), so culturally resonant approaches such as storytelling or family-centered therapy can be powerful tools. For Indigenous communities, addressing mental health requires cultural humility and the inclusion of spiritual or community-based practices to acknowledge and heal historical trauma. Culturally attuned strategies can help bridge gaps, normalize care, and foster a more inclusive dialogue about mental health.”

Talkspace therapist Dr. Cynthia Catchings, LCSW-S

Understanding generational differences

We’ve come a long way in terms of destigmatizing mental health care. A large majority of the population sees it as being just as important as physical health. They understand that therapy offers valuable tools and coping mechanisms. However, this view isn’t shared by everyone. 

Older populations might be skeptical about therapy or see it as a sign of weakness. They might feel vulnerable or defensive at the thought of discussing their personal matters with someone they don’t know. Many parents grew up in a time when mental health wasn’t discussed. The idea of “airing dirty laundry,” much less to a stranger, was unthinkable — and the concept of paying for therapy seems foreign, extravagant, or entirely unnecessary. 

The problem with this thinking, though, is that therapy works. Studies show it benefits roughly 63% of people who try it — which is why so many of the younger generation see it as an effective form of self care.  

Building empathy to foster open conversations

Knowing all this might help you approach your parent with greater sensitivity — it might even get you better results if your parent is depressed but won’t go to therapy.

Acknowledging that your parents may have reservations about therapy doesn’t mean you’re avoiding the conversation. It just means you’re showing empathy and trying to understand their point of view. When parents feel understood and respected, they’re more likely to hear you out.

Strategies for Gently Bringing Up the Topic

If you feel like your mom needs therapy but won’t go, or you’re unsure about how to tell your dad he needs therapy, starting the conversation with compassion will be your best bet. Using an elderly parent care checklist can help ensure you’re addressing their mental and emotional needs effectively.

Consider timing

Timing can be everything in a situation. It’s best to wait for the right moment, like a peaceful evening, a nice walk together, or a casual drive. If your parent is relaxed, they might be more open to having a conversation. 

Avoid talking in the middle of a stressful situation or argument. When emotions run high, it’s not the best time to try and navigate a meaningful discussion.

Be cautious of tone

How you frame the conversation will significantly impact its reception. Try to use a nonjudgmental, compassionate tone. Don’t make accusations or demands; use “I” statements.

For example, instead of saying, “You need to get help,” you might say, “I’ve noticed you’ve been down lately. I’m worried about you.” The second statement avoids blame and shows you’re coming from a caring place of concern.

“Choose a calm moment when they’re relaxed and open to conversation, avoiding stressful or confrontational situations. Approach the topic with a non-judgmental and compassionate tone, using “I” statements like, “I’ve noticed you’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately,” rather than accusatory “you” statements. This creates a supportive environment rather than one that feels critical.”

Talkspace therapist Dr. Cynthia Catchings, LCSW-S

Explain why therapy may be beneficial

Help your parents see the benefits of therapy — that it’s a tool that can improve their quality of life. You can give them specific examples of how it might benefit them. 

Talk about learning to manage negative thoughts, anxiety, stress, process grief, or navigate challenging life transitions. Emphasize that therapy isn’t about labeling them or “fixing them.” Rather, it’s about offering support and coping skills to help them get to a better place.

Normalize therapy

Normalizing therapy and counseling can be an effective way to encourage an elderly parent with mental health struggles to try it. Compare it to seeing a family doctor for a physical health issue. Emphasize that mental health is just as important as physical health and deserves the same level of care. 

Point out that starting therapy is a sign of strength, not weakness. You also might mention that therapy is evidence-based and proven in studies to be an effective resource for people of all ages and walks of life.

Highlight the convenience, flexibility, and confidentiality of online therapy platforms like Talkspace. Having an appointment from the comfort of your own home can be less intimidating, and that alone might be enough of a perk to sway some people.

Share any personal mental health experiences

If you’ve had a positive therapy experience, you should share that. Personal stories, especially when they have successful outcomes, can demystify the process of therapy. It’s okay to be honest about how therapy helped you or someone you know, but avoid pressuring your parent to follow your path.

Reassure them that you’re there for them every step of the way. You can help them find a licensed therapist, navigate insurance, and even go with them to their first appointment if they want you to. The gesture shows that you care about their mental health treatment and are willing to be there for them.

“Lead by example by discussing mental health openly or sharing your own positive experiences. Talking about your own experiences or sharing how a professional or a tool has helped you can normalize the views others have about mental health.”

Talkspace therapist Dr. Cynthia Catchings, LCSW-S

Avoid pressuring

Make sure you request or suggest therapy — never give an ultimatum. It’s important to respect your parent’s autonomy and let them make their own decision about going. Pressuring them can lead to feelings of resentment and resistance.

“Approach them with patience and understanding. Validate their feelings and address misconceptions by sharing what therapy is and its benefits.”

Talkspace therapist Dr. Cynthia Catchings, LCSW-S

Tips for Overcoming Resistance

If, even despite your best efforts, your mom or dad needs therapy but won’t go, there are some more strategies you can use to address their concerns.

Addressing fear and stigma

By acknowledging their fear or the stigma of therapy, you can gently challenge their misconceptions. Explain to them that the therapy process is about helping someone, not assigning blame. Therapy and counseling offer safe spaces where you can talk openly and get coping tools for managing the challenges of life. If you address their fears or anxiety about therapy and validate their feelings without minimizing their concerns, you can gain their trust.

Involve a third party

Some suggestions will carry more weight when they come from someone else, especially if it’s a person your parents respect and trust. You might enlist the help of a doctor, close friend, or another family member. A neutral third party can give that additional perspective that might make a difference.

Offer alternatives

If your parent is adamantly against individual therapy, an alternative — like a support group or self-help books — might be a good compromise. Even online resources can be an excellent way to ease them into the idea that therapy can work for them.

Give it time

Like any new idea, it might take time for your mom or dad to accept the idea of going to therapy. They may just need to process it before they feel comfortable. You might need to have the conversation more than once. Being persistent but gentle can be the winning strategy. Just don’t be discouraged if they resist initially.

“Be patient, express care without pressure, and provide resources like helplines or mental health apps they can explore on their own.”

Talkspace therapist Dr. Cynthia Catchings, LCSW-S

What to Do If They Refuse Therapy

If your parents simply won’t go to therapy despite your best efforts to convince them, try to accept their decision without judging them. Respect is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship.

Try to support them in other ways, such as checking in regularly, encouraging healthy behaviors like working out or taking up a hobby, or being there when they need to talk. Small acts like these can make a big difference in overall well-being. 

Checking in regularly and staying involved can help you stay aware of when your aging parent needs help beyond what you can provide. If their condition worsens or you become concerned about their safety, you might want to involve another family member, friend, or mental health professional. Sometimes, direct intervention is necessary to ensure their safety and well-being.

“If their well-being is at risk, consult a professional for guidance on the next steps.”

  – Talkspace therapist Dr. Cynthia Catchings, LCSW-S

Maintaining a Supportive Relationship

Regardless of how the conversation goes, remember that you have good intentions. Your goal is always to help them lead the healthiest, happiest life possible. Remind them that your support and love are unconditional, and let them know you’ll always be there and you value and respect them. 

It’s OK to remind them that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Discussing therapy with a parent can be a hard but worthwhile exercise. If you can approach the topic with empathy and patience, you’ll have better luck breaking down the barriers. 

If they are open to exploring options, Talkspace offers flexible, confidential ways to connect with licensed and experienced mental health professionals online. With online therapy covered by Medicare, Talkspace makes the process more accessible and affordable than ever.

Reach out today to get help for your mom, dad, or even you.

Sources:

  1. Høglend P. Psychotherapy Research: New findings and implications for training and practice. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3330564/. Accessed November 19, 2024.
  2. Wiles NJ, Thomas L, Turner N, et al. Long-term effectiveness and cost-effectiveness of cognitive behavioural therapy as an adjunct to pharmacotherapy for treatment-resistant depression in primary care: follow-up of the CoBalT randomised controlled trial. The Lancet Psychiatry. 2016;3(2):137-144. doi:10.1016/s2215-0366(15)00495-2. https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanpsy/article/PIIS2215-0366(15)00495-2/fulltext. Accessed November 19, 2024.

Talkspace articles are written by experienced mental health-wellness contributors; they are grounded in scientific research and evidence-based practices. Articles are extensively reviewed by our team of clinical experts (therapists and psychiatrists of various specialties) to ensure content is accurate and on par with current industry standards.

Our goal at Talkspace is to provide the most up-to-date, valuable, and objective information on mental health-related topics in order to help readers make informed decisions.

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