What to Do When Your Parent is Struggling with Depression

Depression
Read Time: 5 Minutes
Written by:Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C, MSW

Published On: January 17, 2025

Medically reviewed by: Cynthia V. Catchings, LCSW-S

Reviewed On: January 17, 2025

Updated On: January 17, 2025

Overview

Watching a parent struggle with depression is a profoundly emotional experience. It can make you feel helpless, sad, angry, and confused. Parental depression, especially in aging parents, is complex and can be difficult to deal with, especially if you’re the sole caretaker. 

Fortunately, there are meaningful steps you can take to support a parent through their depression while also prioritizing your own mental health. Having a plan in place can help you identify the signs, offer the right support, and foster hope for recovery. 

Keep reading to learn more if your dad or mom is depressed and you don’t know how to help them.

Recognizing the Signs of Depression in Aging Parents

The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) estimates that around 4% of people over 70 have depressive symptoms. However, depression in older adults is often mistaken for general aging or other physical health issues. Be on the lookout for the 10 signs your elderly parent needs help.

Emotional and physical symptoms of depression in older parents include:

  • Persistent sadness or hopelessness
  • Weeping or crying
  • Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed
  • Changes in appetite or weight
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Increased irritability or restlessness
  • Fatigue or low energy
  • Discontentment
  • Trouble concentrating or making decisions
  • Physical complaints with no clear cause
  • Social withdrawal or isolation
  • Expressing feelings of guilt, worthlessness or helplessness
  • Other negative thoughts

Approach the Topic with Sensitivity and Empathy

Talking about mental health with parents requires sensitivity and empathy. Start the conversation in a safe and comfortable environment and choose a time when you won’t be interrupted. Approach the topic with compassion so it’s easier for them to open up and share their feelings.

Tips to frame the discussion:

  • Start with care and concern: Use language like, “I’ve noticed you’ve been feeling down lately, and I’m concerned about you.”
  • Avoid judgment or blame: Avoid saying things like, “You’re being negative” or “Why are you so sad?” which can put them on the defensive or make them feel guilty.
  • Be a good listener: Let them express their feelings without interrupting, and don’t try to fix the problem.
  • Normalize their emotions: Tell them that depression is a common but treatable medical condition. Remind them that seeking help from a mental health professional is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Encourage Professional Help

Be patient if your parent hesitates at first. Your dad or mom might need therapy and won’t go, and gentle encouragement can make a difference. Offer to help them find and schedule appointments. Their primary care doctor will evaluate symptoms to rule out other physical causes before recommending treatment options (which might include seeing a therapist). Professional mental health support can be a game changer when managing depression.

You can also explore solutions on your own:

  • Therapists or counselors: A licensed therapist can help your parent work through their feelings and develop coping strategies to manage their depression.
  • Support groups: Group therapy and community support groups are good ways to connect your parent with others who have similar challenges. This can be even more beneficial if their depression is related to isolation.
  • Medicare or insurance coverage: If cost is a concern, remind your parent that online therapy covered by Medicare or other insurance plans is available, offering an accessible option for older adults.

iconExpert Insight

“Watching a loved one go through depression can be too close for comfort. At times, it can be hard to know when might be the right time to step in to help or when you should give space. Phases of life changes can take a toll; how we manage stress and maintain health can truly impact how we cope emotionally. But, even in close-knit families, appearing vulnerable in front of our loved ones can be tough. Encouraging outside professional support can be a great suggestion. If it is done with care and kindness, one might be more inclined to consider it.”
Licensed Certified Social Worker-Clinical, (LCSW-C), LICSW, MSW Elizabeth Keohan

Explore Treatment Options Together

Treatment for depression often uses a combined approach. Therapy and medication can work together for the best outcome. Work with your parent and their doctor to explore the following options, but keep their comfort level and preference in mind.

  • Therapy: Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a very effective type of therapy for depression, used to treat the negative thought patterns common with this condition
  • Medication: Antidepressants can help manage symptoms, but it’s critical that any depression medication is taken as prescribed and your parent shares any side effects they experience.

Support Healthy Lifestyle Changes

Lifestyle factors play a role in depression management. Help your parent make small, gradual changes, without pressure, to enhance mood and increase energy levels.

Promote regular physical activity

Physical activity doesn’t have to be demanding. Low-impact, gentle exercises like walking, stretching, water aerobics, or chair yoga can effectively boost endorphins and help reduce symptoms of depression. Even gardening or practicing tai chi can be beneficial.

Encourage a balanced diet

A healthy diet supports physical and mental health and can improve energy levels. Incorporate foods rich in Omega-3 fatty acids, whole grains, lean proteins, and fresh fruits and vegetables into their diet. Avoid processed foods and sugary snacks to stabilize energy levels further.

Find meaningful activities or hobbies

Hobbies like knitting, painting, volunteering, or doing puzzles can be entertaining and stimulating while offering a sense of purpose. Help your parents get involved in social and recreational activities—even small ones—that they enjoy to keep their minds and bodies busy.

Encourage Social Connections

Isolation worsens depressive symptoms, so social interaction is a critical part of treatment. Social support is a key component of recovery. Since loneliness in retirement is incredibly common, look for ways to help your aging parent stay connected with others.

You can consider having them:

  • Reconnect with old friends: Encourage them to contact old friends and family members they’ve lost touch with.
  • Join community activities: Suggest they become active at local senior centers, book clubs, or church groups.
  • Engage in family gatherings: Plan regular family get-togethers or video calls.

Look After Your Own Well-being

Although you might be happy to do it, supporting a parent with depression can be taxing. Take care of yourself so you can remain energized and focused on helping when your dad or mom is depressed.

Here are some ways you can manage your emotional health:

  • Seek support: Talk to friends, family members, or a therapist about your feelings.
  • Set boundaries: Recognize your limits and share them with others. If you need one day a week off or you want evening hours to yourself, don’t feel guilty about it.
  • Practice self-care: Do things that help you recharge and relax. Exercise, meditate, do yoga, work out, or do hobbies you enjoy.

iconExpert Insight

“Depression is a burden, and it can feel that way too for close loved ones, who in their own way endure the weight of it. It can be very demanding, both emotionally and physically. While it’s hard to take steps to move through it, it is so important to prioritize self-care to navigate it. As a family member, it is critical, not only in terms of helping but also in terms of managing your own robust emotional strength. Find support, keep exercise in your repertoire, and for sure, as cliche as it is, remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Maintain your own health to support in a proactive way versus a reactive way.”
Licensed Certified Social Worker-Clinical, (LCSW-C), LICSW, MSW Elizabeth Keohan

Moving Forward with Patience and Compassion

If your father or mother is depressed, you need patience, empathy, and persistence to help them. Remember that progress may be slow, and the occasional setback is normal.

Therapy can be a valuable resource that offers tools and coping strategies. Talkspace has convenient online therapy options covered by Medicare, so mental health support for aging parents and their families is accessible and affordable. Take the first step today and contact Talkspace to help your parent get online treatment for depression.

See References

Elizabeth Keohan

Licensed Talkspace Therapist, Elizabeth Keohan has enjoyed working with clients in communities from Washington DC through rural Maine over the course of her career. While she has worked extensively with those experiencing anxiety and depression, she embodies a unique comfort working with the bereaved. Elizabeth combines a compassionate, holistic approach with Cognitive Behavioral Theory (CBT), to help clients counter their somatic response to stress, anxiety, mood, grief and loss.

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