I Hate Myself: 5 Ways to Combat Self-Loathing

man looking at his own reflection in the mirror

“I hate myself.” “I’m not good enough.” “I fail at everything I do.” “Everyone hates me.” “If I try that, I will just screw it up.”

These are just some of the thoughts you might have if you experience self-hatred, self-loathing, or low self-esteem. Being flooded with thoughts like these can be demoralizing, troubling — and if left unchecked, can lead to serious cases of depression and other mental health issues. The question is, when are thoughts like “I hate myself” a problem, and if they are, what can you do to remedy the situation? Continue reading I Hate Myself: 5 Ways to Combat Self-Loathing

Why Your Therapist Wants You to Get Angry with Them

Buffalos butting heads

One afternoon last August, I had just had the absolute worst day ever: I had come down with a painful summer cold, I was exhausted from working the last two weekends in a row, and my beloved bike had been stolen while I was at work. I arrived at my therapist’s office ready to vent when she greeted me in the waiting room and told me that she had forgotten that we had switched my appointment time, and so had double-booked herself. She could not, she apologized, see me that day.

“That’s okay,” I told her, “I’ll see you next week,” but I seethed on my way out of the building. How could she have forgotten about my session? Was it just a careless mistake, or did she really care so little about me?

In our next session she could tell that something was wrong just by my demeanor: I was more closed off, more distant, more confrontational, but I was afraid to tell her that I was upset with her. After all, I thought, she’s a person just like me, and all people forget things or make mistakes. My therapist confronted me about it, and I eventually told her what was bothering me. Continue reading Why Your Therapist Wants You to Get Angry with Them

3 Ways to Stop an Overreaction When You’re in the Middle of One

Atomic bomb

We’d gone through this before. I knew we had.

I was staring at a co-worker with a flabbergasted look on my face wondering how a pivotal project had encountered a significant delay…again. I could feel my blood pressure rising as my heart raced, propelling me toward a full-blown melt down. I started to formulate my retort, laced with a condescending tone, but after a few words left my mouth, I caught myself.

In the end, I didn’t completely overreact, even though the situation had me dangling perilously close to the point of no return. Here’s how you can do the same: Continue reading 3 Ways to Stop an Overreaction When You’re in the Middle of One

7 Ways to Deal with Your Anger

A woman screaming in anger

In the middle of a fight, have you ever asked yourself how to deal with anger? Everyone has experienced feelings of blind, red hot rage at an injustice or aggression aimed at them at some point in their lives. If you haven’t gotten angry, you aren’t human. Everyone gets angry, and that’s OK. For the most part, anger is a normal, healthy emotion. But it’s unhealthy when it flares up all the time or spirals out of control.

Uncontrolled anger can take a toll on both your health and your relationships. That’s why knowing how to deal with anger is key. Continue reading 7 Ways to Deal with Your Anger

How to Get Over Anger

A man smashes the ground and dust flies up

We’ve all felt intense bursts of anger. You’re driving to a job interview you worked so hard to get — and you’re stuck in traffic. It’s Friday afternoon and your boss is wondering if you have some bandwidth to take on an extra project…or two…for Monday morning’s meeting. You’ve planned a birthday party at the park because there’s no way 25 people can fit in your studio apartment — it’s raining. You find yourself wondering how to get over anger.

It’s inevitable that you’ll feel this way again, and many times in similar situations or with people you know well, respect, and love. We all will. Annoyances that get you heated are part of life, but with them comes the opportunity to practice responding to anger calmly and productively. This is important because, while anger is a normal emotion and we should expect unfortunate events to incite it, strong feelings of anger and resentment aren’t always healthy, especially if you can’t let them go. Continue reading How to Get Over Anger

Why You Hate People (and How You Can Change This Thinking)

a mob of people surrounded by smoke and red light

Some days, maybe on the commute home from work or when we’re awoken by noisy neighbors, you find yourself thinking: I hate people. If so, you’re not alone, but there might be something you can do about it.

Sure, in a perfect world, each person we interact with would be kind, considerate, mindful, generous and have a personality that complements our own. They would get our sense of humor and we would get theirs. We would all thrive in a convivial atmosphere where no one was ever angry, upset, or annoyed. But, unfortunately, that’s not the way the world works. Sometimes we are fortunate to be surrounded by people we like, but other times we have to live, work, or interact with people we don’t like. This isn’t something to be ashamed of — how could you possibly like everyone equally? — but if you find yourself thinking “I hate people,” you likely want to know why and how to cope. Continue reading Why You Hate People (and How You Can Change This Thinking)

Is Anger Therapy Right For You? Tips for Controlling Your Anger

A man holds up a painted piece of cardboard with an angry face

We’ve all experienced anger. But if your temper is hijacking your life, making you feel like you’re at the mercy of an unpredictable, overbearing, powerful emotion, it may be appropriate to use professional counseling or psychotherapy solutions — anger therapy — to help with your anger issues.

Maybe you’ve felt the full spectrum — from fleeting annoyance to uncontrollable rage — maybe multiple times a week. And for the most part, some anger is to be expected in life. Anger is a necessary human emotion, one that’s usually healthy and normal. But there are times it can get out of control and be destructive, hurting personal and professional relationships and one’s overall quality of life. Continue reading Is Anger Therapy Right For You? Tips for Controlling Your Anger

Is it Okay to Hold Grudges?

Angry parakeet

When someone has wronged you in some way, anger is a natural reaction. If what happened is especially painful — or if the person who hurt you is unwilling to take responsibility — you may start to form a grudge against that person.

Many of us hold grudges for a limited time, and are able to let them go after some healthy processing. Others hold onto them for years, and may even have grudges stemming from their childhood. Most of us will only hold grudges against a few select people; others seem to collect grudges readily and with vigor. Continue reading Is it Okay to Hold Grudges?

5 Things Your Fighting Style Says About Your Mental Health

A set of boxing gloves

You’re bound to get into an argument every once in a while — whether it’s with your partner a family member, a friend, or a complete stranger. We all possess strong thoughts, aspirations, and opinions that sometimes transform everyday conversations into disputes. But while our tendency to disagree may be shared, did you know that everyone has a different “fighting style” that provides a glimpse into their mental health, too?

Continue reading 5 Things Your Fighting Style Says About Your Mental Health

Is It Okay to Be Angry at Someone with a Mental Illness?

one hand holding flowers and another hand attacking that hand with a pink background

Being the friend or loved one of someone with a mental illness can be emotionally difficult. While you wish to remain open, objective and compassionate, sometimes your reserves of patience become too drained and make it difficult to maintain a reciprocal relationship. You may even begin to feel taken advantage of.

You may feel guilty for being angry at someone who is suffering. But, if you’re wondering if you can feel both compassion and anger at someone suffering from a mental illness, the answer is yes. Here are some steps to help you through these difficult and conflicting feelings.

Continue reading Is It Okay to Be Angry at Someone with a Mental Illness?