Having a crush feels amazing — the butterflies, the newness, the way you find yourself smiling when you’re thinking about that special someone. But wait, what if all those warm fuzzy feelings are happening when you’re in a committed relationship…and they’re not directed towards your significant other? Depending on the nature of you and your partner’s relationship, you might have a bit of a dilemma on your hands.
Imagine walking down a crowded street. You’re strolling along, minding your own business, when suddenly someone who is texting while walking (a dangerous pastime!) bumps right into you. You know that person bumped into you and not the other way around. You know that it wasn’t your fault and that it was, in fact, their fault.
Do you say sorry?
Seeking mental health services isn’t easy. It might be even more difficult to open up to your friends and family about how you’ve been struggling to manage your mental health. Starting the conversation, however, has a lot of potential benefits — most notably increased family support and reassurance. When you’re deep in anxiety or depression, this extra support could make a huge difference.
Unfortunately, societal stigmas have made it difficult for those living with mental health concerns to receive support. In an ideal world, we would all be proactive in looking out for one another. Even well-intentioned family members or friends don’t take the time to check in, sometimes due to ignorance around mental health topics, other times because they’re preoccupied with their own concerns.
But, if you’re willing to begin the conversation with your loved ones about your struggles then this post might help them better understand and support you.
Raise your hand if you’ve ever been in a relationship with someone who not only wasn’t a good fit, they were downright bad for you. Keep your hand up if you find yourself pursuing this same kind of person over and over again. My hand is still up, is yours?
So often we find ourselves pursuing people who aren’t right for us, continuing a cycle that can sometimes last year or even a lifetime. A new relationship may feel right initially, but that charismatic charmer soon reveals themselves to be yet another emotionally unavailable partner. We don’t even see it coming. Why do we keep going for people who are bad for us?
Relationships are complex, and require a great amount of effort between two people, one or both of which may be working through mental health challenges. We recently asked Talkspace Instagram followers to share their burning questions about relationships, specifically in a mental health context.
Talkspace’s relationship expert, clinical psychologist Iris Reitzes, PhD, kindly lent her expertise to help answer your important questions.
Friends and media tell us about breakups where people emerge with no sense of self. Who am I now that I’m single? Healthy relationships thrive on both partners being able to maintain a clear sense of self, especially when it comes to their most fundamental needs and desires. Even knowing this, however, it’s still easy to accidentally find yourself giving more to the relationship or your partner than is ultimately sustainable.
We can wear ourselves out in relationships through the best intentions and desire, and so often it’s because we want what a loving relationship promises — love and acceptance — that we’re willing to give up our own independence and perspective in order to have it.
With this in mind, it’s important to ask — how can you maintain your independence while in a relationship?
Nobody wants a relationship that consists of endless drama and fighting, but an emotionless and monotonous relationship doesn’t sound much better. Many people wonder whether their relationship has enough passion and excitement. So how can you tell if your relationship is balanced or boring?
For many people, obsessing over various aspects of our lives is quite common. For some, we chalk it up to our perfectionist mindset or Type-A personality; for others, they blame their OCD.
Regardless of the reason or frequency, obsessive thought patterns can negatively affect our day-to-day activities, routine, and — most importantly — our relationships.
Lucy and Ethel. Bert and Ernie. Romy and Michele. Where would we be without our friends? Nowhere good, we’re told. A lot of the science on friendships and health focuses on how good friends produce happy, mentally well-adjusted people. After all, our friendships are some of the most valuable relationships we have. We often talk to friends in confidence about things we wouldn’t discuss with our families. Our friends may annoy us, but they can also keep us going.
But other evidence increasingly suggests that bad friends, or even well-intentioned ones with bad habits, can negatively impact your mental health. This causes your mind and body severe stress or leads to problematic patterns. A recent University College London study found that close relationships that cause stress or worrying may even contribute to faster cognitive decline as you age.
Closure is a relationship trope that we often see play out in blockbuster movies. When a couple breaks up, we often see the partners individually (and often collectively) try to seek what they call “closure.” In many scenarios, it is depicted as light-hearted and funny, but if you’ve lived through a breakup yourself, you know the process of getting closure can be painful.
We see this desire for closure play out in our own relationships when we experience a separation or break up. When a relationship ends, we are sometimes left feeling heartbroken and often confused. In an effort to make sense of such a horrible disruption, we seek understanding. We seek comfort and solace. We seek closure.