How to Get Out of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Published on: 17 Jan 2025
Clinically Reviewed by Famous Erwin, LMHC, LPC
How to Get Out of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Leaving an emotionally abusive relationship is one of the most challenging and bravest things you’ll ever do. Emotional abuse is different from physical abuse. It leaves deep but invisible scars, causing emotional trauma and harming your self-worth. Being emotionally abused for any length of time can make it incredibly difficult to see a path forward, but there is one waiting for you. If you’re trying to leave an emotionally abusive relationship​, the most important thing to know is that you’re not alone and that there is hope for survivors. 

Continue reading to learn about practical steps and resources that will help you take action in a way that ensures your safety and healing.

Recognize the Signs of Emotional Abuse

Recognizing the signs of an emotionally abusive relationship is hard when you’re in an unhealthy relationship, but it’s a critical first step. 

This form of abuse often includes manipulative behaviors, like gaslighting. Emotional abusers gaslight to make you question your own truth, sanity, and reality. Gaslighting can make you feel like you can’t trust yourself or your recollection of events. 

Other emotionally abusive tactics include a range of toxic behaviors such as: 

  • Controlling your actions by establishing dominance
  • Isolating you from others
  • Constantly criticizing or ridiculing you 
  • Refusing to acknowledge your feelings
  • Name-calling
  • Using intimate knowledge to degrade or humiliate you
  • Verbally assaulting you
  • Treating you like you’re less than 
  • Exhibiting excessive jealousy
  • Belittling you
  • Minimizing abuse
  • Blaming you for their bad behavior

“We are never inherently primed to recognize the wax and wane of abuse or the patterns that follow. Most relationships begin with a romanticized hope and connection, making leaving much more difficult. It’s important to observe the cycles of calm and apology, done so to manipulate and control and to convince someone to remain in the relationship. When power and control repeat, they reveal an unsustainable pattern for the victim that must be broken, but it’s often hard to leave behind, depending on a person’s ability to become independent.”

Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C 

Prioritize Your Safety and Well-being

The most crucial part of leaving an emotionally abusive partner​ is ensuring your own safety and well-being. Research shows that emotional abuse often escalates to physical levels, and verbal abuse is a predictor of physical spousal abuse. Taking steps to protect yourself is vital. 

Identify safe spaces you can retreat to and keep emergency contacts and resources where you can always access them. If you need immediate assistance and protection from the emotional abuser, you can contact organizations like the National Domestic Violence Hotline, which provides resources for anyone in an abusive situation.

Reach Out to Trusted Friends or Family

Confiding in a trusted friend, loved one, or family member can provide you with emotional and practical support. Be open about your experience and discuss your future and your options. The people closest to you might be able to offer help when you need it. 

It can be hard to reach out to people and share what you’re going through. Remember that by opening up, you’re taking an essential step in breaking through the isolation that’s so common with emotional abuse. Support will be critical to feeling strong enough to leave.

Connect with a Therapist and Support Group

Therapists and support groups can be invaluable resources as you try to figure out how to leave an emotionally abusive relationship​. 

  • Therapy offers tools to help you process your feelings, coping skills to rebuild your self-esteem, and guidance to develop a safe leave plan. 
  • Support groups provide a sense of community and understanding so you can build connections with others who’ve been in emotionally abusive relationships. 

“Of course, I advocate for individual therapy, but specialized counseling and groups have a way of complimenting care to empower a person to move forward robustly. Being a victim of abuse creates a level of withdrawal, isolation, shame, and, at times, confusion about who and what to access for support and trust. But a group of like peers allows a person to find a unique kinship of support while inevitably allowing them to feel less alone in shame. Not only does it give one access to resources, but it is also a critical practice for communication used to express need, ask for help, and learn about the exact resources needed to get the right help. Groups can be transformative toward building self-trust and experiencing the much-needed care others may be equipped to offer you during a vulnerable time in your life.”

Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C 

Talkspace offers online therapy that makes mental health support easily accessible and confidential. You can work with a licensed therapist from the comfort of your home, office, or any place you feel safe — all you need is an internet connection to get professional guidance and the strength to navigate this journey.

Create an Exit Plan

Leaving an emotionally abusive relationship requires careful planning. Working with trusted people or a therapist ensures you have a clear plan in place and reduces risk when you do leave. It’s OK to start with small, practical steps as you prepare. 

  • Gather important documents like your ID, birth certificate, social security card, financial records, and other legal papers. 
  • Find a safe place you can go to, even at a moment’s notice.
  • Pack a bag with essentials you can easily grab if you need to leave quickly.
  • If possible, make sure you have access to money when you leave. 

Strengthen Your Self-Worth and Self-Confidence

Emotional abuse can chip away at your self-esteem, leaving you feeling unworthy of love or incapable of independence. Abusive partners often use manipulation to make you doubt your abilities and isolate you from sources of support, reinforcing the idea that you can’t survive on your own. Breaking free begins with rebuilding your sense of self-worth and reminding yourself that you deserve a healthy, loving relationship.

Here are actionable steps to help you strengthen your self-confidence as you prepare to leave:

  • Use affirmations: Remind yourself daily of your strengths and potential with phrases like, “I am worthy of respect,” or “I have the power to change my life.” Write them on sticky notes and place them where you’ll see them often — like your mirror or fridge.
  • Practice self-care: Emotional abuse can make even basic routines feel overwhelming. Start small by prioritizing tasks like showering, getting dressed each morning, and eating regular meals. These steps can boost your energy and help you feel more in control of your life.
  • Reconnect with hobbies and passions: Engage in activities that make you feel capable and fulfilled, whether that’s painting, gardening, or joining a book club. These types of activities are proven to lift your spirits. Rediscovering what brings you joy can remind you of your individuality beyond the relationship.
  • Explore educational or professional growth opportunities: Consider signing up for a class, joining a workshop, or seeking new roles at work. These steps can build the confidence and financial independence you’ll need to leave the toxic relationship behind.

Remember, reclaiming your self-worth is not only about preparing to leave but also about laying the foundation for a life where you feel empowered, whole, and capable of thriving on your own.

Limit Contact with the Abuser (if possible)

Creating emotional distance is a critical step in breaking free from an emotionally abusive relationship. Limiting contact with your abuser helps you regain clarity and reduce their control over your emotions.

If you share children or other responsibilities, establish firm boundaries to minimize direct interactions. Use tools like co-parenting apps to facilitate necessary communication while reducing opportunities for manipulation. Keep conversations brief, surface-level, and focused solely on practical matters. Whenever possible, communicate through text or email to maintain a written record of exchanges, which can be valuable for protecting yourself legally and emotionally.

Set Boundaries to Protect Your Emotional Space

Setting — and enforcing — firm boundaries is crucial to healing and recovering from an emotionally abusive relationship. Clearly define what is and isn’t acceptable and stick to it. It might be uncomfortable to stand up to your abuser, but it’s a critical part of breaking the cycle of abuse.

Examples of boundaries you might set include:

  • Limiting how you want to communicate (for example, via text only)
  • Telling them not to show up where they’re not expected (your work or a social gathering)
  • Asking for respectful language (no name-calling)
  • Setting time boundaries (when you will engage in interactions)
  • Saying “no” (without feeling guilty)
  • Avoiding enabling behavior (don’t justify or make excuses for unacceptable behavior)

Utilize Legal and Financial Resources if Needed

Gaining independence from an emotionally abusive partner can be especially challenging if you’re financially dependent on them or fear retaliation. However, taking proactive steps to secure legal and financial resources can be vital to your safety and well-being.

When planning to leave an emotionally abusive relationship, consider:

  • Obtaining a restraining order to protect yourself from further harm or intimidation.
  • Consulting with a lawyer to understand your rights, especially if you share property, finances, or custody of children.
  • Seeking financial assistance from trusted family members or friends who can help you establish stability.
  • Contacting local domestic violence organizations for access to low- or no-cost legal aid, housing support, and emergency funds.

Taking these steps not only provides practical support but also reinforces your autonomy as you navigate the challenges of leaving an abusive relationship.

Moving Forward with Healing and Recovery

Learning how to get out of an emotionally abusive romantic relationship​ isn’t easy, but with help, you are strong enough to do it. This is not the end of your journey — it’s the beginning of believing that you deserve respect and healthy relationships. Healing from emotional abuse can take time, and you’ll probably feel a wide range of emotions along the way. Be sure to surround yourself with a solid support system and get professional help if you need it.

Therapy can be instrumental in healing from an emotionally abusive relationship. It can give you the tools you need to process the trauma you’ve experienced, rebuild your self-esteem, and find hope for the future. Talkspace offers online therapy tailored to your needs, offering a compassionate, flexible way to find support as you regain your self-worth. 

Although it can be hard to see now, leaving an emotionally abusive relationship is one of the most empowering things you’ll ever do for yourself, but you don’t have to do it alone. Connect with Talkspace for the guidance and support you need to move forward from an abusive relationship. 

Sources:

  1. Karakurt G, Silver KE. Emotional abuse in Intimate relationships: the role of gender and age. Violence and Victims. 2013;28(5):804-821. doi:10.1891/0886-6708.vv-d-12-00041. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3876290/. Accessed November 18, 2024.
  2. Domestic Violence Support | National Domestic Violence Hotline. The Hotline. June 4, 2024. https://www.thehotline.org/. Accessed November 18, 2024.
  3. Pressman SD, Matthews KA, Cohen S, et al. Association of enjoyable leisure activities with Psychological and Physical Well-Being. Psychosomatic Medicine. 2009;71(7):725-732. doi:10.1097/psy.0b013e3181ad7978. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2863117. Accessed November 18, 2024.

Talkspace articles are written by experienced mental health-wellness contributors; they are grounded in scientific research and evidence-based practices. Articles are extensively reviewed by our team of clinical experts (therapists and psychiatrists of various specialties) to ensure content is accurate and on par with current industry standards.

Our goal at Talkspace is to provide the most up-to-date, valuable, and objective information on mental health-related topics in order to help readers make informed decisions.

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