How to Know if You Are Transgender: Signs, Questions, Self-Discovery

Quick Summary

• Being transgender means your gender identity differs from the sex assigned at birth, and it can exist anywhere on or outside the gender spectrum.
• Signs you may be questioning your gender include feeling discomfort with your assigned gender, experiencing gender dysphoria, preferring different pronouns or names, or imagining yourself as another gender.
• Exploring your identity can involve journaling, experimenting with pronouns or expression in safe spaces, seeking support from peers or online communities, and working with a gender-affirming therapist.
• Professional support, affirming communities, and trusted friends can help you navigate emotions, reduce distress, and discover your authentic self safely.

Questioning gender identity can cause all kinds of emotions. You might feel overwhelmed, scared, or even excited. Your journey might be liberating, but it can also be complicated at first. If you’ve ever wondered “what gender am I” or thought “am I transgender?” it’s crucial for you to know that you don’t have to fit into a mold. Your experience is unique, and there’s no single “right” way to discover your gender identity.

You should also know, you’re not alone in this. Exploring who you are is something worth honoring. Read on to learn as we discuss how to know if you are trans​ and what that means. 

What it Means to Be Transgender

In simplest terms, being transgender means that your gender identity differs from the sex you were assigned at birth. Your true gender might be male or female, somewhere in between, a blend of both, or outside the binary. Non-binary, genderqueer, agender, and other different gender identities are all ways to identify. You don’t have to identify strictly as a male or female to know that you’re trans. What’s important is how you understand yourself. 

Experiences That Might Indicate You’re Questioning Your Gender

Exploring gender is more than just checking boxes. It’s about tuning into your innermost feelings and desires, examining your curiosities and discomfort.  

You might have moments in life that ignite deep feelings of joy. When your outer expression (like a haircut, pronoun, name, or how you dress) aligns with your inner truth, it can offer powerful relief and confidence. This is known as gender euphoria, and it’s just as meaningful as any discomfort you may experience during your journey. 

Feeling discomfort or distress related to your assigned gender

Gender dysphoria, on the other hand, is the discomfort you feel when wearing certain types of clothing, using a specific name, or being forced to play a role that doesn’t feel right. Gender dysphoria is a common response, but it’s not always the only sign that you are transgender. Not everyone is in distress when they’re trans or non-binary. 

Some days you might be really at home and comfortable in your own skin, and others you may be more curious about experimenting. However you walk this path is okay. There’s no pattern or rules you must follow as you figure out how to know if you’re transgender.

A desire to be referred to by different pronouns or names

The first time you hear your preferred pronouns or name can be exhilarating. It’s so exciting to have others acknowledge and respect your preferences. During this phase, where you’re exploring, you might want to try it out with friends, online, or even privately. Whenever you find a pronoun or expression that just feels right, it’s worth honoring. It will help you feel lighter and like you’re being your most authentic self. 

Feeling affirmed when imagining yourself as a different gender

When you picture your future, do you see yourself living openly as another gender? Or maybe you’re entirely outside the binary. Do you daydream about looking and being seen differently? If those thoughts feel peaceful or exciting, it’s worth doing further self-exploration. 

Disconnection from gender roles or expectations tied to your birth sex

It’s not uncommon to be annoyed or confused by the expected roles, styles, or behaviors that align with the gender you were assigned at birth. It’s like putting on a performance rather than living an honest life, which can be exhausting. It might end up helping you finally express yourself in ways that defy or challenge traditional norms and definitions, though.

Curiosity about transitioning or gender expression

If you’re wondering how it would feel to dress, wear your hair, or introduce yourself in a way that matches how you feel inside, it’s perfectly normal. Maybe you’ve been researching medical transitions or looking up different expressions online. Or, maybe you’ve been envious of others who freely express their gender identity. Such curiosity is valid and valuable. It’s part of your journey. Most importantly, there isn’t one expected or required outcome that has to come from it. 

Important note: The above experiences are just some possible experiences people have. None of them is required to “be trans.” Your pathway is personal and unique. It doesn’t matter if you relate to some, all, or none of these experiences. What matters is your personal journey toward self-discovery. 

Reflective Questions to Help You Explore Your Identity

Sometimes, asking the right questions can reveal what you may already know deep down inside. Don’t think of these as a checklist you have to get through or a test you have to pass. They can be used to identify and understand your feelings. 

As you slowly go through them, try to notice what types of feelings come up. Are you energized, relieved, or nervous? Scared? Every feeling you have is part of the process. It can help to name and address your emotions along the way. You should also keep in mind that your answers can change over time. Self-exploration about how you identify is never linear, and that’s okay.  

Ask yourself the following questions as you explore your identity:

• How do I feel when others refer to me by my current pronouns or name?
• What makes me feel most like “myself”?
• When do I feel discomfort related to my gender—and when do I feel most at ease?
• How does wearing gendered clothing make me feel?
• Does expressing myself in a certain way bring joy?
• When have I noticed moments of gender dysphoria or euphoria?
• Do I picture myself as a different gender in the future?
• What fears or hopes do I have about transitioning or expressing myself differently?

“Remember, this is a process that will take time. It is an important step to search and explore yourself to understand who you are. It will be difficult because our society does not make it easy to be different, but it is important to find people to talk to who are supportive and can help you work through negative feelings.”

– Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, PhD, LCSW

Ways to Explore & Understand Your Gender Identity

Unfortunately, self-discovery isn’t about getting quick answers. Most people find they need a variety of tools and experiments to help them uncover their truth. It can be well worth the effort, though. According to research, nearly 80% of trans adults say that living authentically enhances their life satisfaction. 

Journaling or writing letters to your past/future self

Journaling for your mental health is known to be effective. Writing down your innermost feelings and thoughts can be an effective way to figure out what’s true and real. 

If you get stuck starting, try the following prompts:

• Write a letter to your younger self about your dreams for your future.
• Describe a memory or time when you felt authentic in your gender expression. What were you wearing, doing, or thinking in that moment?
• Make a list of names or pronouns, then imagine someone you care about using them. Notice how your body and mind respond.
• Write a letter to your future self, imagining that you’ve already fully and openly explored your gender.
• Reflect on a moment of gender euphoria (big or small). Describe the details.
• Jot down five questions you still have about gender, then respond to them with gentle, honest feedback, as if you were talking to a friend.

Trying out different clothes, pronouns, or names in safe spaces

Experiment with your clothes, pronouns, or name in a space that you trust and feel safe. This might be in your room, online, or with people in your life who you trust. Notice what feels good. Even small changes, like wearing a new accessory or using a different name online, can be surprisingly affirming.

Talking with others who’ve questioned or explored their identity

Try to find a community or network with others who’ve also questioned their gender identity. Hearing their journeys can help you on yours. Talking with people who’ve been where you are will remind you you’re not alone.

Joining online forums or local LGBTQ+ support groups

Community is a powerful resource for learning and finding validation. Seek out support groups for connection, advice, and to just be seen in an honest, fulfilling way. 

Following trans/non-binary people

Immerse yourself in others’ experiences. Explore stories, art, or music from people on similar paths. You can read books, watch YouTube creators, listen to podcasts, or follow profiles on social media to find these important role models. 

Working with a gender-affirming therapist

Finding an LGBTQIA+ friendly therapist who understands and supports gender diversity is critical if you’re seeking mental health help. Gender-affirming therapy can help you navigate the fear, excitement, or guilt that may come up as you explore how to see if you are trans​.

Therapy might not have all the answers, but it can guide you as you figure things out and eventually decide how to come out. Online platforms like Talkspace make the process convenient and affordable. Talkspace can connect you with an experienced, LGBTQIA+ affirming therapist, right from the comfort of your own home.

“Continue to research, explore, and speak to supportive people. Therapists and support groups can be lifelines during this time as they can help you develop effective and positive coping strategies as you transition.”

– Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, PhD, LCSW

When & How to Seek Support

You don’t have to work through this by yourself, and you don’t have to do it all right now. If the process feels too heavy or if you start to experience increased or new levels of sadness, anxiety, or confusion, consider reaching out for help. Here are some potential signs that you are transgender and might benefit from support:

• You start experiencing deep distress about your gender
• You struggle to manage your daily responsibilities in relationships because of your inner struggle with gender
• You feel increasingly isolated, lonely, or disconnected
• You start having thoughts of self-harm
• You start having thoughts of suicide

“Everyone can benefit from therapy, but it is especially important for individuals going through a transition. The feelings you have will be confusing, so having a supportive therapist will make the difference.”

– Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, PhD, LCSW

A support system is vital during this time in your life. That might mean finding a trusted friend or family member you’re comfortable confiding in, seeking therapy, or connecting with an LGBTQIA community to support you during this transition. Everyone deserves connection, and having a strong network will help you feel seen and heard every step of your journey—from acknowledging your gender identity, to coming out as trans, and every day that follows. 

Some trustworthy organizations you can turn to for affirmation, crisis support, or to learn more include:

• The Trevor Project
• Gender spectrum
• Trans lifeline
• PFLAG
• LGBTQIA+ centers and youth organizations in your area

For additional support from a therapist, get started with online LGBTQIA+ therapy from Talkspace.

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