Anyone who has ever been in a serious relationship will tell you that maintaining a positive connection with a romantic partner is one of life’s most difficult challenges. But if there’s a will, there IS a way!
When you have two people hoping to share their hearts, families, futures, responsibilities, and all other aspects of their lives together, there’s simply no room for negligence, selfishness, or pettiness in their relationship. Just ask our very own Dr. Iris Reitzes, PhD. In her direct, honest, and eye-opening TedEx talk, the Talkspace clinical partner explains how so many couples that start out madly in love, end up in couples counseling fighting to save their marriages.
Although every relationship is unique in its own way, there are definite patterns and similarities that exist in healthy as well as unhealthy relationships. In healthy relationships, each person tends to focus his or her energies on their partner, (almost) always putting their needs and wants before their own. In unhealthy relationships, the wants and needs of one or both partners are simply not being met, and the growing distance and/or resentment stemming from this neglect destroys the relationship from the inside out.
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As a relationship counsellor, Dr. Iris Reitzes has seen this happen a million times over the course of her career. She notes that people tend to put a lot of energy into establishing their relationships, but not as much on maintaing them once they believe this aspect of their lives is settled. It’s almost as if they check off the relationship box on their personal list of life goals, and focus their energies into checking off the other boxes, rarely thinking about how their relationship is going. This causes a problem, since all successful relationships require constant effort from both partners, so that the needs and wants of the people involved don’t take a second seat to everything else in life.
Although people often refer to marriage as something other or more than a legally binding contract, in the simplest of terms, that is exactly what it is. And when two people in a relationship sign the contract, they agree to put their partner first for the rest of their lives – regardless of whether or not they consciously think of it as such. If they are lucky enough to realize this, they have a much better chance at being happy in their relationship. But if they don’t, the superficial security provided by the marriage certificate may not be enough to maintain the love and commitment a lasting and loving relationship requires.
This is where Dr. Iris Reitzes’s TedEx talk can help! Watch it below!
In other words, you can’t take your partner for granted, or your relationship will sink faster than a boat with holes carrying blocks of cement.
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