Divorce is never easy, but navigating a military divorce comes with a whole new set of challenges, including unpredictable schedules, constant moves, deployments, and a complicated benefits system.
In this guide, we’ll share everything you need to know about getting a divorce in the military, offering clarity on legal rights, logistics, and emotional well-being. Whether you’re an active-duty service member or a military spouse, the goal is to help you move through this transition with knowledge, confidence, and support.
How Military Divorce Differs from Civilian Divorce
If you’ve already started to look into how to get a divorce in the military, you may have already discovered that it comes with a few additional challenges compared to a standard civilian divorce. Long deployments, frequent relocations, and living in different states from your legal residence can all influence timelines, custody arrangements, and where you’re allowed to file your case.
However, what really makes divorce in the military unique is that it must follow two layers of law:
- State laws govern core issues such as filing procedures, child custody, child support, and property division.
- Federal laws provide additional protections and guidance, which are discussed in more detail below.
How To Get a Divorce in the Military
Initiating a military divorce can feel like stepping into unknown territory. Between emotions, logistics and legal issues, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Understanding the basic steps—such as where to file, which laws protect military spouses, and how benefits are divided—can make navigating a military divorce easier.
Step 1: Determine where to file (jurisdiction rules)
One of the first decisions you’ll make is choosing where to file your divorce. Because military families move often, you may have more than one option. Typically, you’ll file in the state where you or your spouse claims legal residence, the state where the service member is currently stationed, or the state where the military spouse lives.
Each state has its own rules for property division, custody, and child support, so the state in which you choose to file matters. Consulting with a divorce attorney trained in military divorces can help you understand which jurisdiction offers the most favorable terms regarding asset division, custody arrangements, and benefits.
Step 2: Understand your rights under federal law
Federal laws offer crucial protections and guidance for families navigating divorce in the military. There are two key laws to know about:
- Uniformed Services Former Spouse’s Protection Act (USFSPA): Dictates how military pensions and benefits can be divided
- Servicemembers Civil Relief Act (SCRA): Helps ensure active-duty members aren’t disadvantaged in court during deployment or training
Step 3: Divide military pay, benefits, and property
Military compensation includes several types of pay and benefits. In the case of divorce, each one is handled differently:
- Military retirement pay and pensions: Retirement benefits may depend on the length of marriage and how much of it overlapped with military service.
- Thrift Savings Plan (TSP): Similar to a 401k, the TSP can be divided as marital property.
- Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH): BAH is considered income and may impact child or spousal support.
- Healthcare and TRICARE coverage: Eligibility after divorce depends on how long you were married and how long the marriage overlapped with the service member’s military career.
Step 4: Address child custody and support
Before diving into the details, it is helpful to understand how military duties can affect both parenting schedules and financial responsibilities.
Child custody challenges during active duty
Deployments, relocations, and temporary duty assignments can complicate parenting schedules. Courts typically prioritize the child's stability, which may require virtual visitation options and backup plans during deployments.
Child support obligation
Child support is based on income, and military income includes more than just base pay. Allowances, such as BAH and other special pays, are usually considered when determining the child support amount.
Step 5: Seek legal representation and support
Most military installations have legal assistance offices that can explain your rights, review documents, and help you understand your benefits. However, they cannot legally represent you in court or file divorce paperwork. For full legal representation, you’ll need a civilian attorney familiar with military and divorce law.
Emotional and Logistical Considerations During a Military Divorce
Divorce can change the rhythm of your daily life, your support systems, and even your sense of identity or direction. Military families often build routines around duty schedules and tight-knit communities, so when a military spouse divorces, it can feel like multiple parts of life are being rearranged at once. These emotional ripples are a natural response to a major life transition.
“The unique stressors of deployment, constant relocation, and the demands of military culture often intensify the emotional weight of divorce, and teaching clients grounding routines, structured communication plans, and community-based support strategies can help them navigate that load with greater stability and resilience.”
- Talkspace therapist, Dr. Cynthia Catchings, LCSW-S
On a practical level, this phase might involve finding new housing, adjusting childcare routines, reorganizing finances, or preparing for upcoming moves. It’s a lot for one person to carry, and you’re not expected to do it perfectly. Taking things step by step can break this process down into more manageable pieces.
Finding the right support matters. Lean on people you trust, slowly build a new routine, and consider talking to a therapist familiar with military and divorce issues to help you feel steadier as you shape this next chapter of your life.
What Happens After the Divorce Is Finalized
Once your military divorce is officially complete, the next chapter begins — albeit with a few mundane but practical steps. These tasks may feel mundane, but they play a big role in protecting your benefits, finances, and future plans.
- Update your Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System record to reflect any new family changes. This ensures your medical coverage, ID card status, and dependent records are accurate and up to date. If you have children, this also helps prevent any gaps in their benefits.
- Review and update your beneficiary designations, especially for Servicemembers’ Group Life Insurance (SGLI) and your TSP. These accounts don't change beneficiaries automatically after a divorce, so taking time to revise them can prevent unintended complications later.
- Make changes to your tax filing and financial allotments: Check how your filing status changes and see what automatic payments or allowances may need to be adjusted to reflect new financial responsibilities or custody arrangements.
- Figure out which benefits you or your ex-spouse may still qualify for, such as transitional TRICARE coverage or other limited entitlements based on the length of marriage and military service.
FAQs About Military Divorce
If you still have legal, financial, or practical questions about how to get a divorce in the military, you’re not alone. Below, you’ll find some of the most commonly asked questions and answers pertaining to military divorces.
What is the 10/10 rule in military divorce?
The 10/10 rule refers to the method by which a former spouse receives their share of military retirement pay, as outlined in the USFSPA. If the marriage lasted at least 10 years and overlapped with 10 years of military service, the Defense Financing and Accounting Service (DFAS) can send payments directly to the former spouse. It doesn't determine whether a spouse is entitled to retirement pay — only the payment method.
What is a military wife entitled to in a divorce?
Entitlements are case-by-case, depending on state law, not military status. A spouse may receive a portion of retirement benefits, child support, spousal support, or marital property. Courts consider factors such as income, length of marriage and caregiving responsibilities.
Is divorce free for the military?
No. Base legal offices provide guidance at no cost, but they cannot represent you in court. Filing fees, attorney fees, and court expenses still apply.
Can a spouse still use USAA after a divorce?
In most cases, yes. If the spouse became a USAA member through the service member, they typically retain membership and coverage after divorce.
What is the 20/20/20 rule for military divorce?
The 20/20/20 rule allows a former spouse to keep full military spouse benefits, including TRICARE and commissary access, if the marriage lasted 20 years, the service member served 20 years, and the two overlapped for 20 years.
Moving Forward: Rebuilding Stability and Support
When one door closes, another opens — and the same goes for rebuilding a new life after divorce. If you don’t know where to start, help is available at Talkspace. Talkspace offers online therapy options specifically tailored for service members, veterans, and military families navigating major life transitions, including how to deal with divorce.
With licensed therapists who specialize in trauma, military relationship challenges, and identity shifts after service, Talkspace provides accessible, confidential support online, helping individuals process emotions and rebuild a sense of stability at their own pace. Discover personalized mental health care for military members and spouses today.
“Therapy, including flexible online options like Talkspace, helps service members and spouses rebuild identity, confidence, and emotional resilience after a military divorce by offering consistent support, trauma-informed guidance, and a safe space to redefine their sense of self during major life transitions.”
- Talkspace therapist, Dr. Cynthia Catchings, LCSW-S
Sources:
- Wang L, Seelig A, Wadsworth SM et al. Associations of military divorce with mental, behavioral, and physical health outcomes. BMC Psychiatry. 2015; 15(128). doi:10.1186/s12888-015-0517-7
- Ohlsson A, Nilsson S, Larsson G. Social and psychological support for military personnel and their families in connection with military deployment: A scoping review and thematic analysis. Journal of Veterans Studies. 2024;10(1):160-172. doi:10.21061/jvs.v10i1.533
