You’ve taken the brave and significant step of starting therapy, hoping to find a supportive space for growth and healing. But what happens when the person you’re supposed to confide in feels like the wrong fit? What do you do if they make you feel judged, dismissed, or simply annoyed?
If you find yourself dreading your therapy sessions or if you start feeling resentment toward your therapist, you’re not alone. This frustrating experience is common, and it doesn’t mean therapy has failed. In fact, recognizing these feelings can be your first step toward truly getting the help you need.
This guide will help you understand why you might hate your therapist, when these feelings are normal, and when they show it’s time for a change.
Why It’s Normal to Feel Frustrated in Therapy
It’s important to remember that feeling frustrated in therapy is a normal part of the process. Just because you get frustrated with your therapist doesn’t mean they’re a bad therapist. It also doesn’t mean you’re a “difficult” client or person in general. These moments of tension are so common in the therapeutic process that there’s a clinical term for them: “therapeutic rupture.”
A rupture is a strain in your relationship with your therapist. It may feel like you’re no longer collaborating on a goal; instead, you start to feel like enemies. These problems can start from a simple misunderstanding or feeling judged. They can also pop up when your therapist pushes you in a way that makes you uncomfortable.
A rupture is a moment to ask yourself, “Why do I hate my therapist right now?” Depending on your personality, researchers have defined two types of therapeutic ruptures:
- Confrontation rupture: You express your anger and frustration toward your therapist by shifting the blame to them
- Withdrawal rupture: You remain silent, change the topic, and stop having meaningful conversations with your therapist
When you encounter friction like this, try not to see it as a sign of failure on your part or your therapist's. You can use it as an opportunity for growth. Try discussing these feelings directly with your therapist as they come up.
When you’re brave enough to address these feelings directly with your therapist, you initiate the “rupture and repair” process. Working through this issue can strengthen and enhance your relationship with your therapist. It promotes deeper trust and teaches you how to handle disagreements in a healthy manner. In fact, this difficult situation is often exactly what you need to make your biggest breakthroughs in therapy.
Common Reasons You Might Dislike Your Therapist
While some conflict with your therapist is normal, negative feelings are still valid. Figuring out exactly why you feel these negative emotions can help you decide whether it’s a small problem you can fix or a sign that you and your therapist are just not a good match.
Here are some of the most common reasons you might feel a disconnect with your therapist:
Personality or communication mismatch
Having a strong, positive relationship with your therapist is very important. You should feel connected to them. If your personalities or communication styles don’t match, you might constantly feel like you’re on different pages.
Their style might feel too passive or too direct. Their humor might feel misplaced or strange to you. Their overall demeanor might simply rub you the wrong way, making you feel like you hate your therapist. This disconnection can be frustrating. It can make it difficult for you to open up and can turn therapy into a bigger challenge than it should be.
Feeling judged or misunderstood
A good therapist will make you feel safe sharing your personal thoughts and feelings with them. If your therapist’s words or body language constantly make you feel criticized, unheard, or misunderstood, it can cause you to hate your therapist. This breaks down the trust between you and makes it impossible to make any real progress toward your mental health goals.
Lack of progress
Therapy requires a big investment of your time and emotions. Feeling stuck is frustrating. When your sessions start to just go in circles, or you see no real progress toward your therapy goals, you can start to resent your therapist.
You might begin to question their methods and skills. When this happens, you can feel like therapy isn’t helping and you’re wasting your efforts. This feeling that you’re not getting anywhere can turn your hope into disdain and even make you hate your therapist for not helping you move forward.
Unprofessional behavior
Unprofessional behavior by a therapist can be a major red flag. This includes habits such as:
- Always being late
- Canceling appointments
- Being distracted (like checking their phone)
- Discussing their own personal problems.
Unprofessional behavior can make you feel unimportant and disrespected. This kind of disrespect naturally causes frustration and erodes the sense of safety, reliability, and respect that you should always have in therapy.
Unaddressed ruptures
Minor misunderstandings or moments of tension are normal in therapy. However, when a therapist ignores or dismisses these ruptures, the negative feelings can fester.
You may feel hurt, angry, or resentful that the issue isn’t being acknowledged or repaired. When they avoid the problem, it can feel like they are completely dismissing your feelings. This can make it impossible for you and your therapist to keep working together effectively.
Questions to Ask Yourself Before Quitting
Sometimes, deciding to end your relationship with your therapist is a choice you need to make. Before making a final decision about switching therapists, it can be helpful to pause and reflect.
Being honest with yourself can help you figure out if this is just a temporary problem or a real sign to stop treatment and find a therapist you like. Try asking yourself:
- Have I given it enough time? Building trust takes more than a session or two. Ask yourself if you’ve allowed a reasonable amount of time to get to know your therapist.
- What exactly feels off? Try to pinpoint the source of your discomfort. Is it their communication style, a specific technique they use, or unaddressed ruptures?
- Do I dislike therapy, or my therapist? Try to separate the discomfort of therapeutic work from a problem with your therapist. Do you dislike their methods and personality, or is the process of going through therapy just challenging?
- Is this a recurring pattern? If you often feel misunderstood or frequently get into conflicts with those in authority, therapy can be a valuable opportunity to understand why this happens and learn how to break the pattern.
“Therapy is a vulnerable process that naturally stirs up a wide range of feelings and sometimes it can be hard to distinguish if it is about the therapeutic process or the therapist. Two things to keep in mind when figuring this out: don’t make a quick decision based on one or two sessions, and be open about your thoughts and feelings as they come up, as therapists want to be collaborative in creating a safe working relationship. Ask yourself, is it something that is getting stirred up because of what is being discussed in therapy, or is it behavior on the part of the therapist that is making it challenging?”
- Talkspace therapist, Jill Daino, LCSW-R
Red Flags Indicating It’s Time to Leave
While some initial discomfort in therapy is normal, certain signs can indicate that a relationship is no longer productive or safe. Your well-being is the priority, and it’s time to consider “breaking up” with your therapist if you consistently experience:
- A persistent lack of trust or feeling judged
- Unaddressed or dismissed concerns about the therapy’s direction
- Unprofessional behavior, including chronic lateness, confidentiality breaches, or blurred boundaries
- Feeling worse, drained, or invisible after most sessions
- A significant clash in ethics or values that impedes progress
- Verbal disrespect, shaming, or any form of harassment.
Recognizing these red flags empowers you to make a choice that sets you on a path to truly getting the mental health support you deserve.
How To Talk to Your Therapist About It
Before deciding to leave, consider that many ruptures can be repaired through open communication. A good therapist will welcome client feedback as a part of the process.
“Therapists are open to a collaborative process and usually welcome authentic conversations about how the therapy process and therapeutic relationship are progressing. Being able to speak up in therapy is a goal that everyone should have, including discussing the relationship and what is and is not working for you. Being able to share what your priorities are and how you hope to get there with a therapist can be a good place to start, as you can also include what is working for you and what may not be working for you currently in therapy.”
- Talkspace therapist, Jill Daino, LCSW-R
Framing your concerns with “I” statements such as, “I feel hurt when…” or “I need more…” to express the emotions you're experiencing without accusation.
Research shows that these types of statements help you express your concerns without the other person feeling like you’re placing the blame on them. This direct approach can clear up misunderstandings and make your relationship with your therapist much stronger.
Finding Your Perfect Match
A successful relationship between a therapist and client should feel safe, supportive, and collaborative. It’s important to remember that not connecting with your first therapist is common and doesn’t reflect your ability to benefit from therapy. The right fit is out there.
“Therapy is often about the right fit at the right time. Thinking about what factors are important to you in a therapist is a good place to start. For example, are gender, race, and ethnicity meaningful factors in your choice? Or do you want to know if they have a particular specialization or modality of treatment? While it takes a little time, the bottom line is you want to feel safe and have the ability to speak openly and honestly, knowing the therapist is there to listen non-judgmentally and help you reach your goals, even if that means going through vulnerable, painful moments, which are usually inevitable in a therapeutic process.”
- Talkspace therapist, Jill Daino, LCSW-R
If you’re wondering how to find the right therapist, look no further. With Talkspace, you can find an online therapist who aligns with your specific communication style, personality, and goals. If you’re feeling discouraged after a difficult therapy experience, Talkspace can help you start fresh with a therapist who truly fits your needs, on your terms, wherever you are.
Sources:
- Talbot C, Ostiguy-Pion R, Painchaud E, Lafrance C, Descôteaux J. Detecting alliance ruptures: the effects of the therapist’s experience, attachment, empathy and countertransference management skills. Res Psychother. 2019;22(1). doi:10.4081/ripppo.2019.325 https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7451395/
- Chang-Caffaro S, Caffaro J. When coleaders differ: rupture and repair in group psychotherapy. Am J Psychother. 2021;74(2):76-82. doi:10.1176/appi.psychotherapy.20200035 https://psychiatryonline.org/doi/10.1176/appi.psychotherapy.20200035?url_ver=Z39.88-2003&rfr_id=ori:rid:crossref.org&rfr_dat=cr_pub%20%200pubmed
- How do you know when you’re done with therapy? Columbia University Irving Medical Center. Published March 5, 2024. Accessed December 2, 2025. https://www.columbiadoctors.org/news/how-do-you-know-when-youre-done-therapy
- Rogers SL, Howieson J, Neame C. I understand you feel that way, but I feel this way: the benefits of I-language and communicating perspective during conflict. PeerJ. 2018;6(1). doi:10.7717/peerj.4831https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5961625/
