How to Prepare Kids for Deployment

Quick Summary

• Talk to kids early about the upcoming deployment using honest, age-appropriate language, and reassure them about routines and what will stay the same.
• Encourage emotional expression through conversation, play, art, or journaling, and watch for signs they may be struggling.
• Build a support system with trusted caregivers, teachers, and military family resources.
• Plan ways to stay connected during deployment and get your own support to remain strong for your children.

Getting ready for a service member’s deployment is tough at any age, but it’s even more daunting when you’re trying to figure out how to prepare your children for deployment. This time can be confusing and scary for kids, so it’s crucial to prepare them both emotionally and practically. 

If you’re worried that explaining what deployment means to a child will overwhelm them, this guide offers compassionate, age-appropriate steps you can take to support your kids before, during, and after a parent is deployed. It’s normal to feel anxious, but with clear communication, emotional support, and a sense of stability, you can help your family stay strong and connected. Here’s everything you should know about how to explain deployment to a child​.

Start the Conversation Early

Having a deployed parent can be a challenging time for kids, so being prepared is important. Once you learn of an upcoming deployment, consider letting your children know. This is especially important if they’re going to face other changes in their life, like a new school or a different caregiver. The earlier you have the conversation, the more time your child has to adjust to the change, ask questions, and start to process their emotions. Surprising them at the last minute can make the adjustment even harder.

When you start the conversation early, you’re signaling to your child that you trust them with the truth, which can be reassuring, even if they don’t recognize it at first. It shows children that they’re respected and included in major family decisions.

For younger children who struggle to grasp the concept of time, you might wait until a few weeks before the parent leaves. It can help to anchor timing to something they understand, like “I’ll be home by Christmas,” or “When you finish the school year, I’ll be back.”

Be Honest & Use Age-Appropriate Language to Explain Deployment

Honesty is important with kids, but you need to tailor your words to be age-appropriate. It’s natural to wonder how much you should share and worry about scaring your child. It can be difficult, but try to use words and examples that make sense in a child’s world.

For very young kids

Instead of calling it “work,” you might say something more straightforward, like “Mommy/Daddy has to go away for a while to help others.” You might show them on a map or globe where the parent will be and share interesting facts they can hold onto, like how far the place is from home. Reassure them that physical distance from family doesn’t mean being far from their heart.

For school-age children

For this age group, you can probably expect bigger questions about why the parent is leaving and how long they’ll be gone. Don’t feel like you need to share every single detail about the deployment, but it’s okay to let them know that the job is important and that everything will be done to ensure the parent’s safety. Remind them that they’re just as important as the job, though, and don’t be afraid to use the word deployment. Over time, that word is going to have meaning, so it’s helpful if they get used to hearing it.

Older children and teens

This group will likely want specifics, and they’re probably already familiar with some of the risks involved in serving in the military. Let them talk about their feelings and ask questions, and be careful not to promise things you can’t control. When honesty, hope, and vulnerability are welcomed, children learn that they can come to you with any problem, fear, or feeling they have.

“While some grow accustomed to deployment, it is a big adjustment to change the environments. I encourage parents to keep a pulse on that radiant stress level, as kids can sense it even if their psychological development is still in process. We have to remember that vicarious emotion can transcend and be shared unintentionally. And so it is important to manage stress as you navigate forward. Perfection is not the goal for transitions, but staying mindful of that undercurrent of stress can really help children feel more secure and also confident about being safe in your care.”

– Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C

Reassure Them About What Will Stay the Same

Deployment can make everything in a child’s world feel like it’s shifting. Many kids will look for anchors in this situation. Their routines, favorite activities, and familiar faces and voices will help them feel secure and confident. You can start by sharing what won’t change during deployment. For example, let them know who will be taking them to school, helping them with homework, bathing them, and putting them to bed every night.

Keeping routines as familiar as possible helps kids feel secure. If you’ve had movie nights every Friday or after-school ice cream stops that they look forward to, keep what you can in place. Let them know they can still count on those things happening, even if a different parent or caregiver becomes part of the equation.

Let Them Express Their Feelings

Any major transition in a child’s life can come with big emotions. If you notice that your child starts to act out, is unusually quiet, or begins asking ‘what-if’ questions, give them time and space to be open about their feelings. Don’t rush past them or ask them to be brave for you. Instead, you can say things like “It’s okay to feel sad, mad, or scared,” or “It sounds like you’re worried about me leaving.” Even if they’re angry, let them know their emotions are valid.

If your child is struggling but can’t express themselves with words, art, play, and music can help them open up. For older kids, journaling for mental health, practicing music, and talking with someone they trust can be beneficial.

It’s good to be aware of the signs that your child might be struggling with a deployment, which may include:

• Mood swings
• Trouble sleeping
• Headaches
• Stomachaches
• Withdrawing from friends
• Loss of interest in activities they once enjoyed
• Struggling in school
• Regressive behavior

“There is so much to handle in a family transition, but kids often give clues when they are going through it. Remember, they aren’t experts at expression just yet and certainly don’t have mastery in terms of naming or identifying what they feel. Clinginess, to you and things, can be a sign of not feeling comfortable. And remember that mood swings can often be a sign of, “I don’t know what to feel” or “I don’t know how to express it”. I encourage parents not to guess, but ask. Children need to know they are important and are not getting lost in the shuffle. A child can feel much more supported when they know they are being acknowledged. So, it’s important to let them know.”

– Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C

Introduce Support Systems Early

You and your children don’t have to go through this alone. The bigger your support network is, the better off everyone will be. Make sure kids are familiar with the support system you’ll be relying on. Trusted friends, relatives, teachers, and military family groups can all help ensure a smooth transition.

Programs you can lean on that cater to military kids include:

• Our Military Kids: Offers extracurricular activity grants to children of deployed military service members. 
• Military OneSource: Provides family support like counseling and deployment readiness services. 
• Sesame Workshop: Military Families: Shares tools designed to help children build coping skills for navigating deployment-related changes. You can access videos, books, and activities that will help them process their experience.

Let Kids Help Pack or Prepare

Involving your child in pre-deployment checklist preparations will allow them to feel valued and important. 

• For younger children, you can let them choose a special item to pack, such as a drawing or a family photo. Reassure them that this will remain with the parent throughout the deployment period. 
• Older kids might want to be even more involved. They can help write lists or choose books or games a parent can take with them.

Small rituals can help children or teens feel involved and will remind them that their bond with a parent can stay strong despite the distance.

Create a Countdown or Visual Timeline for Reunion

Knowing how to explain deployment to a child​ who’s younger can be difficult. Try using paper chains or sticker calendars to help them understand how time passes. Digital countdowns can also help the timeline feel more concrete.

Spend Quality Time Before You Leave

One of the best ways you can prepare your children for deployment is by spending quality time with them in the days and weeks leading up to the departure. Set aside uninterrupted blocks of time to connect. It can be as simple as having breakfast, taking a trip to the park, or even just reading together before bedtime. Those moments can bring comfort on the harder days when a parent is away.

Make a Plan to Stay Connected

Plan ahead for ways to stay connected and keep in touch. Ask them for ideas on how to stay close. Remind them that even if you can’t talk every day, parents are always thinking about their children. 

Ways to stay connected during deployments:

• Regular video calls
• Sending letters
• Keeping a shared journal 
• Making a scrapbook of letters and photos
• Swapping voice memos
• Making matching bracelets
• Creating a playlist of favorite songs
• Making a countdown calendar
• Sharing drawings  
• Pre-recording messages for when you can’t talk every day
• Using United Through Reading to make story time recordings

Prepare for Emotional Ups and Downs

Not all children will handle deployment the same way. There may be days when they seem fine, and others when they might be sad or anxious. Regression is common as children prepare for a parent to leave. While it may be challenging for you, try to remember these are all normal responses.

Remind them that rough days are normal, and that it’s okay to be upset sometimes. Try to validate their experience. You can tell them that the parent will be missing them, too, or that some days this feels really hard, but you know that you’ll get through it together.

If you notice a child is becoming more withdrawn or having difficulty coping, it may be time to consider professional guidance. Research shows that one in four children will struggle with depression during a parent’s deployment. 

Things to look for include:

• Sleep issues
• Change in eating habits
• Symptoms of depression
• Increased anxiety
• Problems at school 
• Uncontrollable anger
• Crying more than usual

Get Support to Stay Strong for Your Kids

Deployment affects both children and parents or caregivers. Finding support to manage military stress, anxiety, and feelings of loneliness during deployment is critical. As a parent, taking care of your own mental health will help you stay calm and present for your children. After all, you’re navigating the hardships of your own military relationship as well. If you’re struggling to adjust to solo parenting or experiencing symptoms of spousal deployment depression, reach out to your support system. Lean on trusted friends and family members. You can also connect with a mental health professional.

Talkspace offers online therapy that takes TRICARE and is designed to support military families through deployments. We’ve helped countless military families find resilience while navigating deployment challenges. If you don’t know how to explain deployment to a child​ or you’re having a hard time with any aspect of military life, Talkspace is here for you. 

Getting support isn’t a weakness; it’s a way to take care of yourself and your family. Contact us today to learn more about online therapy for veterans and military families.

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