At home, I’m the ideas woman. I’m full of suggestions to improve my house, streamline my schedule, and make sure I’m making the most of every ounce of free time I have. I watch Shark Tank and throw my hands in the air — you call those innovations? I’m full of ideas for better ones.
But at work, in an environment that urges workers to “fail fast, fail often,” I mostly sit silently in meetings. “I’m sure someone has already thought of this,” I think when fresh ideas come to mind. “If it was a good idea, we’d already be doing it…” It’s an ever present self-doubt that keeps me from voicing my thoughts. Continue reading 3 Signs that Self-Doubt is Getting in Your Way
Confidence is elusive for many people. There are many factors that can undermine confidence, but most of them are related to your past experiences in the world — first as a child and then as an adult — and how these experiences have led you to think of yourself.
There are many successful, intelligent people who think that they are “losers,” believing they’ll be discovered as inadequate by those around them. If this describes you, you may be wondering how to release these negative thought patterns and grow more confident.
Continue reading A Therapist’s Guide to Confidence
I’m a pretty confident gal. Actually, that’s an understatement. I am a seriously confident woman. I think I’m gorgeous, exceptionally talented, super interesting, and not least of all, very humble.
I’m lucky to have a fantastic mom, who always modelled body confidence, never talked about weight, and told me I was the most beautiful woman in the world (well, except for my equally beautiful sisters). My partners have never made me feel bad about my body. I go for a “queer, curvier Sophia Loren in 1964” vibe, and I’m pretty pleased with the results.
Continue reading Why is Talking About Looks Damaging to Mental Health?
Have you ever noticed how easy it is for us to feel down on ourselves? We generally don’t have a problem feeling guilty about what we perceive as poor performance. Whether the misstep is big or small, punishing oneself seems to come naturally for many. But when it comes to feeling proud about accomplishing something, it is easy to let the moment slip through our fingertips.
This discrepancy is a problem, as it decreases our motivation and makes it that much harder to achieve long-term successes.
Continue reading Why You Should Celebrate Small Wins
“Are you afraid of success?” My therapist asked me, intently.
I let out a put-out sigh, and my defense immediately went up. “How dare she ask me that?” I thought.
I sat back in my chair, quickly allowing a movie reel of life events that could potentially cause her to ask me such a thing. I quickly realized her pointed question was entirely valid.
I was straddling a thin line between breaking through in my career and remaining stagnant. I had an inbox overflowing with opportunities to guest speak, press and media interviews, and a book pre-order list a mile high — all of which I had yet to reply to.
I sat back, reflected quickly, then replied with a snarky rebuttal:
“I’m a self-saboteur, you know.”
Continue reading 3 Ways Self-Sabotage Is Holding You Back
It happens to everyone: something makes you feel so terrible, so embarrassed and ashamed — and you feel you will never be able to live it down. Sometimes you may not even have done anything, but someone condescended to you, wrote a clipped email or called you out on your behavior in a way that led to your feeling hopeless or wanting to hide.
Often it feels like no matter what you do in the midst of shame, you can’t move past that feeling, and you start thinking about other ways that you have disappointed or embarrassed yourself or others. This is called a shame spiral.
Continue reading When You’re Trapped in the Shame Spiral, Try This
“This Simple Attitude Change Will Dramatically Improve Your Quality of Life” originally appeared on Fairygodboss, an online career community for women, by women.
What if I told you there was one simple technique that could improve every aspect of your life? No, it’s not a green juice, or the newest superfood, or even meditation, though those all have their benefits! It’s a mindset shift called reframing.
I am a huge fan of hyperbole. Why tell someone I am hungry when I can tell them I am wasting away as we speak, punctuated by as many dramatically place swears as possible, accompanied by a gif. While this approach might be amusing when deployed positively, it can also backfire in negative situations. Using that same mentality, a setback at work can become a career-ender, a holiday weight-gain can turn into berating yourself for lack of self-control, and an unexpected breakup can lead to an internal monologue about how unloveable you are. What I’m referring to is negative self-talk. Continue reading This Simple Attitude Change Will Dramatically Improve Your Quality of Life
Inside every human being is a desire to pursue wild ambitions and discover new possibilities. There’s a would-be entrepreneur, motivational speaker, freelance writer, stage performer, or off-the-grid traveler in all of us.
But unfortunately most people spend their lives in a routine, nondescript comfort zone because they’re too intimidated to chase a goal that seems uncertain and prone to fail. According to a 2016 survey, an estimated 34.2 million Americans experience some type of phobia. The most common is a fear of personal failure, which most of us define broadly as unemployment, financial ruin, and isolation from others.
Also called “atychiphobia,” this fear of failure often becomes so debilitating it can hinder a person from attempting any goal that is not a guaranteed success. It feels safe and secure, but functioning in this state of rigidity will hold you back from opportunities, experiences and overall happiness.
Here are five potential indicators that a fear of failure has come between you and the life of purpose, excitement, or satisfaction you dream about. Continue reading 5 Signs Your Fear of Failure Is Keeping You from Your Best Life
Self-awareness is an extremely pivotal trait to possess in life, and way too often we overlook its value. When you become self-aware, you become conscious of your problems and emotions. And the sooner you are aware of those, the sooner you can work toward fixing them. Continue reading Self-Awareness Will Make Your Life Better: Here’s How to Get It
The words “judge” and “judgment” have negative connotations and tend to place people in a no-win situation. You don’t want to be judged, yet you want to be able to tell if someone is judging you. Even when we know discovering the truth might hurt, curiosity wins.
Judgment, however, is not necessarily something to worry about. There are positive, neutral and negative forms of it. Whether it’s therapy or an actual courtroom, the key is understanding which one you are dealing with and learning how to respond. Continue reading How to Tell if Someone is Judging You: Defining Judgment