Self esteem

At home, I’m the ideas woman. I’m full of suggestions to improve my house, streamline my schedule, and make sure I’m making the most of every ounce of free time I have. I watch Shark Tank and throw my hands in the air — you call those innovations? I’m full of ideas for better ones.

But at work, in an environment that urges workers to “fail fast, fail often,” I mostly sit silently in meetings. “I’m sure someone has already thought of this,” I think when fresh ideas come to mind. “If it was a good idea, we’d already be doing it…” It’s an ever present self-doubt that keeps me from voicing my thoughts. Continue reading 3 Signs that Self-Doubt is Getting in Your Way

Confidence is elusive for many people. There are many factors that can undermine confidence, but most of them are related to your past experiences in the world — first as a child and then as an adult — and how these experiences have led you to think of yourself.

There are many successful, intelligent people who think that they are “losers,” believing they’ll be discovered as inadequate by those around them. If this describes you, you may be wondering how to release these negative thought patterns and grow more confident.

Continue reading A Therapist’s Guide to Confidence

I’m a pretty confident gal. Actually, that’s an understatement. I am a seriously confident woman. I think I’m gorgeous, exceptionally talented, super interesting, and not least of all, very humble.

I’m lucky to have a fantastic mom, who always modelled body confidence, never talked about weight, and told me I was the most beautiful woman in the world (well, except for my equally beautiful sisters). My partners have never made me feel bad about my body. I go for a “queer, curvier Sophia Loren in 1964” vibe, and I’m pretty pleased with the results.

And yet…

Continue reading Why is Talking About Looks Damaging to Mental Health?

Have you ever noticed how easy it is for us to feel down on ourselves? We generally don’t have a problem feeling guilty about what we perceive as poor performance. Whether the misstep is big or small, punishing oneself seems to come naturally for many. But when it comes to feeling proud about accomplishing something, it is easy to let the moment slip through our fingertips.

This discrepancy is a problem, as it decreases our motivation and makes it that much harder to achieve long-term successes.

Continue reading Why You Should Celebrate Small Wins

“Are you afraid of success?” My therapist asked me, intently.

I let out a put-out sigh, and my defense immediately went up. “How dare she ask me that?” I thought.

I sat back in my chair, quickly allowing a movie reel of life events that could potentially cause her to ask me such a thing. I quickly realized her pointed question was entirely valid.

I was straddling a thin line between breaking through in my career and remaining stagnant. I had an inbox overflowing with opportunities to guest speak, press and media interviews, and a book pre-order list a mile high — all of which I had yet to reply to.

I sat back, reflected quickly, then replied with a snarky rebuttal:

“I’m a self-saboteur, you know.”

Continue reading 3 Ways Self-Sabotage Is Holding You Back

“This Simple Attitude Change Will Dramatically Improve Your Quality of Life” originally appeared on Fairygodboss, an online career community for women, by women.

What if I told you there was one simple technique that could improve every aspect of your life? No, it’s not a green juice, or the newest superfood, or even meditation, though those all have their benefits! It’s a mindset shift called reframing.

I am a huge fan of hyperbole. Why tell someone I am hungry when I can tell them I am wasting away as we speak, punctuated by as many dramatically place swears as possible, accompanied by a gif. While this approach might be amusing when deployed positively, it can also backfire in negative situations. Using that same mentality, a setback at work can become a career-ender, a holiday weight-gain can turn into berating yourself for lack of self-control, and an unexpected breakup can lead to an internal monologue about how unloveable you are. What I’m referring to is negative self-talk. Continue reading This Simple Attitude Change Will Dramatically Improve Your Quality of Life