For many people, it’s easy to forgive someone else, but a lot harder to forgive him of herself. Holding yourself to an impossible standard of perfectionism is a common cause of this inability to forgive yourself. Ignoring positives and solely focusing on the negatives during self-reflection can lead to wrong turns, missed opportunities, and mistakes. Of course, striving to be the best version of yourself and continuously improving yourself isn’t a bad thing, but if you’re constantly focusing on your own shortcomings and errors, it can take a toll on your mental health.
“The tone of your self-talk is the key,” said Amy Cirbus, a New York-based Talkspace therapist. “There’s a difference between saying ‘That didn’t work out, I think I might be able to do that better’ versus ‘I can never get this right, I’m such a failure.’ Continue reading 5 Signs You’re Too Hard On Yourself
We love summer, but we don’t love the negative messaging surrounding body image and the harm to self esteem that it typically breeds. Summer means pool parties and beach days, people wearing their swimsuits, and being a little bit more scantily clad in general. You’ll also likely see an influx of articles about the best workouts and diets for a beach body, but let me tell you a secret: if you have a body and you’re on the beach…you’ve already got a beach body.
Developing better self confidence and self esteem is something that doesn’t come easily to a lot of us. It’s easy to get caught up in comparing yourself to others in the summertime, and to kick yourself for not looking exactly how you wish you looked. We have to work hard at building a better body image — and while we’re doing that, we also have to remember to be kind to ourselves.
Continue reading 6 Ways to Be More Compassionate About Your Body Image
“It’s bathing suit season — time to lose that extra weight.”
“Get the perfect beach body with this new workout.”
These messages often flood social media, TV, and radio each year when summer rolls around. Numerous studies link body dissatisfaction (for both women and men) to mass media. We have been conditioned to believe our self-worth comes from our physical appearance. Continue reading Body Positivity is More Than Just Appearance
Sometimes it feels like my friends are out of my league.
Among them are doctors, social workers, professors and entrepreneurs, all successfully balancing high-level careers, personal lives, and physical health. One of them can work for several months straight without a single day off; meanwhile, sometimes it takes me several hours just to get out of bed.
Does that mean I’m lazy? Less than? Continue reading How to Have a Comparison-Free Summer
“I hate myself.” “I’m not good enough.” “I fail at everything I do.” “Everyone hates me.” “If I try that, I will just screw it up.”
These are just some of the thoughts you might have if you experience self-hatred, self-loathing, or low self-esteem. Being flooded with thoughts like these can be demoralizing, troubling — and if left unchecked, can lead to serious cases of depression and other mental health issues. The question is, when are thoughts like “I hate myself” a problem, and if they are, what can you do to remedy the situation? Continue reading I Hate Myself: 5 Ways to Combat Self-Loathing
At home, I’m the ideas woman. I’m full of suggestions to improve my house, streamline my schedule, and make sure I’m making the most of every ounce of free time I have. I watch Shark Tank and throw my hands in the air — you call those innovations? I’m full of ideas for better ones.
But at work, in an environment that urges workers to “fail fast, fail often,” I mostly sit silently in meetings. “I’m sure someone has already thought of this,” I think when fresh ideas come to mind. “If it was a good idea, we’d already be doing it…” It’s an ever present self-doubt that keeps me from voicing my thoughts. Continue reading 3 Signs that Self-Doubt is Getting in Your Way
Confidence is elusive for many people. There are many factors that can undermine confidence, but most of them are related to your past experiences in the world — first as a child and then as an adult — and how these experiences have led you to think of yourself.
There are many successful, intelligent people who think that they are “losers,” believing they’ll be discovered as inadequate by those around them. If this describes you, you may be wondering how to release these negative thought patterns and grow more confident.
Continue reading A Therapist’s Guide to Confidence
I’m a pretty confident gal. Actually, that’s an understatement. I am a seriously confident woman. I think I’m gorgeous, exceptionally talented, super interesting, and not least of all, very humble.
I’m lucky to have a fantastic mom, who always modelled body confidence, never talked about weight, and told me I was the most beautiful woman in the world (well, except for my equally beautiful sisters). My partners have never made me feel bad about my body. I go for a “queer, curvier Sophia Loren in 1964” vibe, and I’m pretty pleased with the results.
Continue reading Why is Talking About Looks Damaging to Mental Health?
Have you ever noticed how easy it is for us to feel down on ourselves? We generally don’t have a problem feeling guilty about what we perceive as poor performance. Whether the misstep is big or small, punishing oneself seems to come naturally for many. But when it comes to feeling proud about accomplishing something, it is easy to let the moment slip through our fingertips.
This discrepancy is a problem, as it decreases our motivation and makes it that much harder to achieve long-term successes.
Continue reading Why You Should Celebrate Small Wins
“Are you afraid of success?” My therapist asked me, intently.
I let out a put-out sigh, and my defense immediately went up. “How dare she ask me that?” I thought.
I sat back in my chair, quickly allowing a movie reel of life events that could potentially cause her to ask me such a thing. I quickly realized her pointed question was entirely valid.
I was straddling a thin line between breaking through in my career and remaining stagnant. I had an inbox overflowing with opportunities to guest speak, press and media interviews, and a book pre-order list a mile high — all of which I had yet to reply to.
I sat back, reflected quickly, then replied with a snarky rebuttal:
“I’m a self-saboteur, you know.”
Continue reading 3 Ways Self-Sabotage Is Holding You Back