Why We Find Emotionally Unavailable People Attractive

man sipping his drink wearing sunglasses

When I look back at my quasi-relationships that haven’t worked out, I can see a common denominator. I was going after guys who were emotionally unavailable (let’s be real: beyond emotionally unavailable).

For one example, I was almost in love with someone who had so many red flags he could have been an air traffic controller. He was an hour late to our first date, and chronically late after that…(the first red flag). Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I continued to see him. He had several tattoos that he’d gotten with or for exes, and while we were “seeing each other” he got another that was a nickname another ex gave him…(another red flag). Oh, and he was still legally married, something he told me months later…(the biggest red flag). Continue reading Why We Find Emotionally Unavailable People Attractive

Why Having the Same Personality as Your Partner Isn’t the Secret to Happiness

two girls in matching wigs looking at each other

I thought I hit the jackpot when I found a boyfriend who was very similar to me: an introverted cancer who would rather stay in and watch movies with a glass of wine than go out to wild parties. He wrote moody, romantic poetry just like me, he was artsy and sensitive just like me — the list goes on.

In some ways, I did hit the jackpot — but the excitement didn’t last long. A couple months into the relationship, I learned that just because we had very similar personalities, it didn’t mean that we were compatible and it definitely didn’t mean we were going to work out in the long run. Five months after we fell madly in love, we were donezo. As you can imagine, a breakup between two moody writers was not pretty. Continue reading Why Having the Same Personality as Your Partner Isn’t the Secret to Happiness

What Do Your Fantasies Mean?

girl on carousel

While we as a society are becoming more open about sexuality, one thing we can’t avoid talking about is fantasies. I’m not talking about sex dreams –– I’m talking about the sexy scenarios we create ourselves in our waking life. You may have one particular recurring fantasy that you can’t get out of your head, or you may have a lot of them across the board. You may be dying to create these fantasies in real life, or you might be content with simply just imagining the scenarios. Continue reading What Do Your Fantasies Mean?

A Guide to Surviving the Workplace Crush

coworkers hanging out at the office laughing

The only time I was actually excited to go to my old job was when I knew my work crush was going to be there. It was a retail job at a shoe store —not a typical 9-5 — so I didn’t see him everyday. But when we did work the same shifts…oh boy.

My mood was totally different on those days. I was excited to go to work and even happy to be at the store. I had a pep (or, um, maybe a sexy strut?) in my step. There was something to think about other than how boring and miserable work was. Finally, I had a reason to go to work. Continue reading A Guide to Surviving the Workplace Crush

What Does a Healthy Relationship With an Ex Look Like?

man looking down the sidewalk of a woman walking down the street

A guy I used to date had multiple tattoos for his ex girlfriends. His arms, wrists, and neck were covered with little mementos — souvenirs of girlfriends past.

Completely and utterly puzzled, and not too pleased to be seeing these reminders, I asked, “Doesn’t it hurt you to look at those reminders of your exes everyday?” He responded, “Not at all. They were good parts of my life, and I still have good relationships with them now. My exes and I are all on good terms.” Continue reading What Does a Healthy Relationship With an Ex Look Like?

How to Ask for Space From a Partner

two people standing apart facing each other

Let’s face it, sometimes your partner will annoy you.

I used to think conflict with my partner meant our relationship was doomed. I was so terrified of it that I would do everything in my power to either avoid it or make it go away. As a recovering people-pleaser, I used to immediately abandon myself at the mere whisper of conflict. I would agree with, and internalize, whatever criticism my partner made about me without blinking an eye. Continue reading How to Ask for Space From a Partner

Does Your Partner Resent You?

woman sitting with her legs crossed looking towards partner

When you’re feeling disconnected and distant from your partner, there can be many reasons. Perhaps you two have grown apart, or there are trust issues undermining your prior closeness. However, one significant contributor to a couple growing about can often be overlooked if it isn’t discussed openly. Resentment — that corrosive feeling of imbalance and disgruntlement at past behavior partners carry around — can be the underlying cause of relationship issues. There are ways to figure out, however, if this is what is sabotaging your relationship. Continue reading Does Your Partner Resent You?

5 Things You Shouldn’t Have to Ask for in a Healthy Relationship

couple holding hands and standing together closely

Relationships involve give and take, compromise, and consideration. But in healthy relationships, there are certain non-negotiables that must be honored to maintain a loving partnership that lasts. Affection and unconditional love are foundational elements, but what else does it take to support a quality partnership?

Here are five things you shouldn’t have to ask for in a relationship. Continue reading 5 Things You Shouldn’t Have to Ask for in a Healthy Relationship

What is a Sapiosexual?

Brain and heart made of string

Only recently did I find out that there is a term to describe the type of attraction I’ve always experienced with my husband. It turns out that I am sapiosexual – i.e., I’m attracted to someone based primarily on their intellectual prowess. Who knew? Continue reading What is a Sapiosexual?

Can You Be Addicted to Love?

People hugging with heart glasses on

Falling in love is my favorite high. There’s nothing like it. When I fall in love, I fall. Actually, it might be more accurate to say that I nosedive. I love the adrenaline rush I get before I’m about to see someone I’m falling in love with, the way I feel like I’m going to faint when I kiss them, the way I obsessively think about them all day long, the way I feel like if I don’t have them, I’ll die. I become all consumed by the person I’m in love with, and I want more, more, MORE! It feels like I have an addiction to the person…or, could I just be addicted to love? Continue reading Can You Be Addicted to Love?