You’re feeling frustrated, bitter, and even angry at your caregiving role and the loved one you support. You love this person, but you’re suddenly feeling like this caregiving role isn’t for you. You may be wondering if something is wrong with you or if these feelings of resentment make you a “bad person.”
If you’re having these negative feelings about caregiving, you may be experiencing caregiver resentment.
What is Caregiver Resentment?
Caregiver resentment is a feeling of frustration, overwhelm, or emotional exhaustion that develops when the demands of caregiving exceed the support, rest, or resources you have. It does not mean you don’t love the person you’re caring for, nor is it a personal moral failing. It’s a completely normal, human response to the stress, exhaustion, and responsibility of caregiving.
It’s normal to feel complex emotions about caregiving, even if you deeply care about your loved one. Research actually shows that over one-third of caregivers have increased depression, known as caregiver depression, and anxiety.
Acknowledging these difficult feelings doesn’t mean you are betraying your loved one. In fact, it’s a sign that you're taking your first steps toward reclaiming balance in your life. Learning how to manage caregiver resentment can help you improve your mental and physical well-being, in turn allowing you to provide better care for your loved one.
Why Caregiver Resentment Happens
Caregiver resentment doesn’t appear out of nowhere. It happens when the pressures and responsibilities of caregiving become overwhelming. Feeling overwhelmed all the time starts to take a toll on your own mental health and your caregiver capabilities.
By understanding the root causes of your caregiver resentment, you can start identifying and addressing your specific sources of strain.
Emotional overwhelm and compassion fatigue
The emotional demands of caregiving can be just as draining as the physical ones and can lead to compassion fatigue.
Researchers have found that compassion fatigue occurs when individuals are exposed to suffering, traumatic memories, and life’s other demands for extended periods. You can absorb these difficult emotions until your own capacity for care is depleted. For example, you might find yourself on the receiving end of your loved one’s anger due to their condition’s mood swings or personality changes.
Over time, these negative emotions can chip away at your empathy, fueling caregiver burnout and resentment.
Loss of personal identity or role changes
Caregiving often requires a major shift in your identity and relationships. You may miss the life you had before caregiving became your full-time role. A spouse may start to feel more like a patient than a partner, which strains the intimacy of the marriage.
As an adult, you may feel unsettled by the prospect of reversing roles with an aging parent. When your personal identity is consumed by the title of “caregiver,” you may feel grief or resentment when the relationships you once had are lost.
Practical burdens and lack of support
Constant pressure from managing the practical side of care can be a major source of caregiver frustration. This often looks like trying to balance your career with doctor’s appointments, spending hours on confusing medical paperwork, or feeling frustrated when your siblings don’t help with these aspects of caring for your aging parents. Trying to balance many responsibilities can leave you feeling resentful, even when you know you’re doing your best. It’s a frustrating and lonely position to be in.
Social isolation and the feeling of doing it alone
The caregiving role can be isolating. Your world may shrink until it revolves entirely around your loved one’s needs. You may start to feel left behind when you cancel plans with friends and withdraw from hobbies to focus on caregiving. This loneliness can get worse if you feel like you’re the only one showing up to help.
"Caregiver resentment can grow from a mix of unspoken emotional needs and physical exhaustion. Beneath the resentment, caregivers commonly feel unseen, unsupported, or trapped between roles they’re trying to juggle. There’s often grief for the life they used to have and how the relationship with the person they love has changed."
- Talkspace therapist Bisma Anwar, LPC, LMHC
How To Recognize Resentment Early
Catching resentment in the early stages can prevent it from escalating into full-blown burnout. It often begins subtly with shifts in your mood, behavior, and body. Learning to recognize these warning signs empowers you to take proactive steps toward preserving your well-being.
Emotional signs:
- You feel a constant, low-grade irritability or find yourself snapping over minor issues
- You experience frequent feelings of bitterness or hopelessness about your situation
- You stop feeling satisfaction or joy in activities you once loved
- You have recurring thoughts about the unfairness of your situation
Behavioral signs:
- You begin to avoid conversations or quality time with the person you care for
- You notice a “robotic” approach to caregiving and start going through the motions with minimal emotional engagement
- You speak to your loved one in a cold, detached tone
- You find yourself procrastinating on caregiving tasks you normally handle without issue
Acknowledging these signs isn’t a sign of failure, but an act of self-awareness crucial for both you and the person you care for.
How To Deal With Resentment & Frustration From Caregiving
Navigating the complex emotions of caregiver anger and resentment is challenging. However, it’s a necessary step in sustaining your well-being as a caregiver. These feelings, while difficult to acknowledge, are a normal response to the pressures you face. You don’t have to eliminate them entirely, but learning to deal with them constructively can help avoid burnout.
By using simple, practical strategies, you can begin to release the weight of these emotions.
Get to the root of your resentment
To effectively manage resentment, you must first identify its source. Ask yourself: Is it the lack of personal time, feeling unappreciated, or the loss of your old life that is causing these resentful feelings? By identifying specific triggers, you can move from feeling overwhelmed to empowered. You can then address the core issues behind your resentment.
Talk to a therapist
A therapist specializing in caregiver challenges is a powerful ally. Therapy is a place where you can confidently discuss your complex emotions of caregiver frustration, grief, and burnout. With a therapist to guide you, you can start to develop skills for emotional regulation. These new skills can give you more sustainable coping strategies and make your role as a caregiver easier.
"Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment therapy (ACT) are both effective therapeutic tools in helping caregivers manage their negative thoughts and feelings. ACT focuses on learning to notice challenging emotions without getting overwhelmed by them and to anchor back to one's values. CBT tools help challenge guilt-driven thoughts and replace them with more balanced ones. Simple grounding or somatic practices, such as paced breathing or body scans, can help with staying more steady and present."
- Talkspace therapist Bisma Anwar, LPC, LMHC
Set clear boundaries
Establish firm limits to protect your mental and physical health. Define what you can and can’t do, and communicate this calmly. Setting boundaries with family and friends isn’t selfish; it’s essential for sustainable care. This might mean setting specific visiting hours for friends and family, or saying “no” to additional requests. These boundaries prevent burnout and additional resentment.
Reframe caregiving perspective
Shift from viewing caregiving as a burden to seeing it as a conscious choice. Acknowledge the positive aspects, like honoring your relationship and showing your love through acts of service. Reframing how you view caregiving can help you feel less trapped in your role. It can also help you reconnect with the purpose behind your actions.
Take micro-breaks throughout the day
Micro breaks can be just 60 seconds of intentional pause that help calm you down and refocus your mind. Step outside for fresh air, practice deep breathing, or simply close your eyes. These micro-breaks are not a luxury. They can act as a pressure-release valve that prevents your resentment from overflowing on tough days.
Consider delegation or respite care services
You can’t do it all. If you’re feeling trapped caring for an elderly parent or loved one, start identifying tasks that others can handle, such as grocery delivery or hiring a cleaning service. Explore respite care services for longer breaks. Accepting assistance is a sign of strength, not failure, and it’s crucial for recharging your own emotional and physical batteries.
Communicate with your care recipient
When possible, have an honest, gentle conversation about your feelings with the person you care for. Use “I” statements, such as “I feel overwhelmed,” to avoid sounding accusatory. This can help you both reach a mutual understanding. It may also help lead to problem-solving, where you find ways to ease your caregiver burden that work for both of you.
Practice self-care
Prioritize self-care without falling victim to caregiver guilt. This means ensuring that you get adequate sleep, nutrition, and movement. Engaging in a hobby or seeing friends doesn’t mean you’re ignoring your role as a caregiver. It’s what fuels you to show up with compassion and remain present when you need to be. Explore self-care for caregivers to build a tailored routine for managing the stresses of your role.
Getting Help When Caregiving Feels Overwhelming
Acknowledging that you need support is a sign of profound strength, not failure. Caring for your own emotional well-being is as crucial as the care you provide for your loved one. Actively build your support system. Lean on family, join a support group, and delegate tasks. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Prioritizing your mental health is essential for sustainable caregiving.
If the weight of caregiver frustration and resentment feels too heavy, consider Talkspace. It’s a convenient way to connect with an online therapist who can provide professional guidance and a safe space to talk, helping you find your balance again.
Sources:
- Soh XC, Hartanto A, Ling N, Reyes M, Sim L, Majeed NM. Prevalence of depression, anxiety, burden, burnout, and stress in informal caregivers: An umbrella review of meta-analyses. Arch Gerontol Geriatr Plus. 2025;2(3):100197. doi:10.1016/j.aggp.2025.100197 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2950307825000785
- Day JR, Anderson RA. Compassion fatigue: An application of the concept to informal caregivers of family members with dementia. nursing research and practice. Nurs Res Pract. 2011;2011:1-10. doi:10.1155/2011/408024 https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3170786/#sec4
- Goto Y, Morita K, Suematsu M, Imaizumi T, Suzuki Y. Caregiver burdens, health risks, coping and interventions among caregivers of dementia patients: A review of the literature. Intern Med. 2023;62(22):3277-3282. doi:10.2169/internalmedicine.0911-22 https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10713358/
- Paiva-Salisbury ML, Schwanz KA. Building compassion fatigue resilience: Awareness, prevention, and intervention for pre-professionals and current practitioners. J Health Serv Psychol. 2022;48(1):39-46. doi:10.1007/s42843-022-00054-9 https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8812061/#Sec5
