Fatherhood Depression: Breaking the Silence on Depressed Dads

Depression
Read Time: 5 Minutes
Written by:Dr. Muhammad Munir, MD

Published On: October 23, 2024

Medically reviewed by: Famous Erwin, LMHC, LPC, CAM 2

Reviewed On: October 24, 2024

Updated On: October 24, 2024

Overview

Content warning: This article discusses self-harm and suicide. If you or someone you love is in crisis, reach out to the 988 Lifeline for help. This free, confidential resource is available by phone, text, or chat. Talking to someone can save your life.

We hear a lot about postpartum depression in new mothers, but the silent struggle some fathers face after having children is a topic that deserves more attention. 

Fatherhood is most often portrayed as a pivotal, rewarding experience, with society expecting fathers to be pillars of strength for their families. However, studies have revealed that depression in dads is more common than you might realize. Recent research suggests that an estimated 10% of fathers experience some form of postpartum depression. Unfortunately, it’s something that generally goes unnoticed or overlooked, leaving many fathers feeling isolated in their pain.

It’s time to shed light on fatherhood depression so dads who need help feel confident and supported coming forward. Keep reading to learn more about what being a depressed dad looks like. You don’t have to live like this — depression can be treated, and help is out there.

Common Causes of Depression Among Dads

The idea of dads and depression isn’t something you hear about very often (or at all). Historically, the focus has always been on the challenges and emotional struggles mothers face, and both are incredibly valid. It turns out though, that fathers can experience many of the same symptoms and difficulties when adjusting to parenthood.

Understanding the common causes of depression among fathers is a crucial step in breaking the stigma. It allows us to create a more inclusive support system for any parent struggling in their role. When we learn to identify the cause, we can address it, empowering fathers to seek the help they need as they navigate the complexities of parenthood with confidence.

Paternal postnatal depression (PPND)

PPND is a condition that can impact fathers during pregnancy after the birth of their child. It’s often undiagnosed and can exacerbate feelings of isolation. Like postpartum depression in mothers, PPND is triggered by things like sleep deprivation, hormonal changes, and the daunting new responsibilities of caring for a newborn. According to some research, PPND affects between 7% and 11% of all fathers.  

The role transition

Parenthood can cause a substantial shift in identity for both parents. Fathers transitioning into their new role might feel inadequate or uncertain about how to support their partner and child. This overwhelming pressure to excel as a provider, partner, and parent can exacerbate their depression. Know that this struggle is not unique to fatherhood; male stress is very common, especially when juggling multiple roles and expectations.

Poor work-life balance

Almost all parents can relate to the difficulty of achieving a work-life balance after a baby is born. Managing a career with the responsibilities of parenting can be challenging. Many dads feel torn between work obligations and wanting to be home with their baby and partner.

Relationship strain

Relationships almost always change after the birth of a baby, and romantic partnerships can become confusing when dads feel the tension and stress of having a newborn. If communication breaks down, it can intensify distance or frustration between partners.

Feeling disconnected from your partner and the baby

Some fathers may also feel disconnected from their baby and partner. This can be especially true for those dads who are not directly involved in caregiving. Traditional gender roles can worsen the emotional distance fathers might feel if they return to work soon after the birth without having taken paternity leave.  

Isolation

Being a parent can be isolating for both moms and dads, but men are much less likely to get help or talk about their feelings. There’s an unspoken expectation that men should be able to carry emotional burdens on their own, but this can increase male loneliness and lead to longer-term mental health challenges.

Financial pressure

The financial responsibilities and pressure of having a new baby can heavily impact fathers. There’s the cost of childcare, new medical bills, and the weight of providing for a growing family. Combined, financial stress can contribute to anxiety and depression, especially if the father is the primary breadwinner in the house. 

Unresolved mental health issues

Men with unresolved or preexisting mental health concerns often have a difficult time, as the stress of fatherhood might trigger underlying anxiety, depression, or other mental health concerns. If a dad hasn’t sought treatment for their emotional or mental health conditions in the past, the pressures of parenthood can be even more overwhelming.

Lack of support

Inadequate support can cause some fathers to feel very alone in their struggles. Having an emotional support system from a partner, family or friends, or a mental health professional can help if a dad feels alone in his struggles.

Online therapy for parents

Being a parent is hard. Talk to an experienced, licensed Talkspace therapist today.

Symptoms of Paternal Depression

Paternal depression symptoms are often mistaken for “normal stress” that’s associated with parenthood. It can manifest in many ways, and understanding what to look for can help in knowing when it might be time to get support or professional guidance. 

Symptoms can vary, but the following are some of the common indicators of paternal depression:

  • Irritability or anger: Dads with paternal depression might be easily frustrated or impatient, and they can be more prone to outbursts.  
  • Withdrawing from family or friends: As a depressed dad, you might become emotionally distant from loved ones.
  • Loss of interest in activities: When a father is depressed, even things that once brought joy might feel mundane or uninteresting.  
  • Changes in sleep patterns: Many people with depression find they have a change in sleep habits or patterns. Depression commonly causes insomnia or a need for excessive sleep, and some dads will still feel fatigued even when they do get enough.  
  • Increased use of alcohol or substances: Some dads use unhealthy coping mechanisms like drugs or alcohol as an attempt to manage their depression.  
  • Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness: Fathers who feel they’re failing as a parent might suffer from low self-esteem and hopelessness about the future.  
  • Difficulty concentrating or making decisions: Depression can affect cognitive function, making it difficult for dads to focus, manage daily tasks, and make decisions.   
  • Physical symptoms: Depressed fathers might experience unexplained physical symptoms. Aches, pains, headaches, and digestive issues are common for dads who have paternal depression.  
  • Changes in appetite or weight: Depression can cause changes in appetite or weight. Some dads experience significant weight loss or weight gain that’s directly related to their condition.  
  • Increased anxiety or worry: Anxiety can accompany depression for many fathers who find themselves constantly worrying about things like financial stability and the safety and well-being of their family.  
  • Feeling disconnected from the baby: If a dad feels like they can’t bond with their child, the emotional distance or detachment can worsen their depression.
  • Suicidal thoughts or self-harm: Just like with mothers, in severe cases, some dads with paternal depression might have thoughts of self-harm or suicide. Any urges or ideations like this should be immediately addressed through professional intervention.

The Impact of Untreated Depression Among Fathers

Undiagnosed or untreated depression can have dire consequences for fathers and their families. Understanding the impacts is important so that timely intervention and support can be offered as soon as possible.

Effects on the father

Some of the effects of paternal depression can include:

  • Declining physical health 
  • Emotional withdrawal 
  • Loss of confidence and self-worth 
  • Increased risk of substance use or abuse 
  • Higher likelihood of suicidal thoughts  

Impact on family dynamics

The potential impact of paternal depression on the family can include:

  • Emotional strain on the partner
  • Disrupted parent-child bonding 
  • Increased conflict within the household 
  • Adverse effects on the child’s mental health 
  • Financial and practical challenges 

iconExpert Insight

“Your child is already genetically vulnerable; don't let your depression worsen their environment and push them into depression. Love your child by taking care of yourself.”
Psychiatrist, MD, DFAPA Muhammad Munir

How to Treat Paternal Depression

Treating any type of depression, including paternal, generally involves a multifaceted approach. A combination of therapy, coping mechanisms, lifestyle changes, support, and occasionally, in extreme cases, medication, will garner the best results. Fathers feeling depressed need to know that they’re not alone — there are many resources and avenues available for help. 

Seek professional help

Therapy is proven effective in treating depression. Professional mental health support can provide tailored treatment that explores the root causes of your depression and directly addresses your symptoms. Incorporating proven men’s mental health tips, such as stress management techniques and seeking therapy, can be vital to recovery and long-term wellness. A qualified and experienced therapist will teach you practical coping skills that help you manage your depression. 

iconExpert Insight

“Depression takes the joy out of being a dad. Don’t miss out on these precious moments in life—get the help you need.”
Psychiatrist, MD, DFAPA Muhammad Munir

Talkspace is an online therapy platform that makes the process of getting therapy for depression convenient and easy, so even busy or overwhelmed fathers can get the help they need.  

Build a support network

Creating and relying on a support network of family, friends, or other fathers who understand what you’re going through can make a world of difference in managing your depression. You can find comfort in talking openly in a safe environment. A strong support system will offer emotional relief and can become a place for you to get practical advice.  

Practice self-care

Taking care of yourself is essential when treating depression. Even simple activities that promote self-care for men, like working out, eating healthy, and getting enough sleep, can improve your mental health. Make sure you’re taking time to do things that bring you joy and help you relax and decompress from the stress you’re feeling. 

Openly communicate with your partner

Communication with your partner is essential when dealing with depression. It can foster a healthy relationship as you express your feelings and needs openly and honestly, reducing misunderstandings and building a stronger emotional connection.

Adjust expectations

For many new dads, fatherhood brings unrealistic expectations about having a perfect family or exhibiting constant strength. It’s essential to adjust those expectations and recognize that asking for help or taking breaks is OK if you don’t have all the answers. Keeping a flexible mindset will alleviate a lot of the pressure you’re feeling.

Strive for work-life balance

Work-life balance becomes increasingly important once you have a family. Finding balance helps you be more present during family time. Create realistic goals at work and learn to delegate tasks so you have more flexibility in your schedule. Creating a healthy balance between work and home will help reduce stress and symptoms of depression.

Consider couples counseling

If your relationship with your partner has changed and you’re both struggling to connect, online couples counseling can be valuable. Therapy is a safe space to address emotional disconnects and strengthen communication so you understand the challenges one another is facing. 

Stay connected to your child

Building a bond with your child can be a powerful help in your journey with depression. Try to engage as much as possible in daily caregiving tasks. Focus on playtime and prioritize one-on-one moments that help you connect. Even small, positive interactions reinforce how important your role as a father is.

From Struggle to Strength: Navigating Fatherhood with Support

Fatherhood depression is a topic we all should be talking more about. It’s not something fathers should have to deal with on their own. For your family’s sake, seek support if you’re struggling. The most important part of your job as a dad is being emotionally equipped so you can embrace the joys of fatherhood. 

With the right tools and guidance, you can learn to manage your mental health and overcome your depression. Whether you lean on family, connect with friends or other men, or seek therapy, prioritizing your mental health is the best thing you can do to beat your depression. 

Therapy can result in substantial change and help you build healthy, rewarding, and fulfilling relationships. Talkspace will connect you with a therapist who understands your needs. Take that first step toward getting treatment today — it can be life-changing. There’s no shame in getting help. With the right support, you can have a solid foundation to build that life and family you’ve always dreamed of. 

Learn more about online treatment for depression by reaching out to Talkspace today.

See References

Muhammad Munir

Dr. Muhammad Munir, MD, DFAPA, has over 20 years of clinical experience specializing in mood disorders, anxiety disorders, bipolar disorder, PTSD, panic disorder, and ADHD. Dr. Munir believes in “back to basics” the therapeutic alliance between the physician and patients. The hallmark of this alliance is the emphatic process whereby the patient is not only enabled, but educated and encouraged, to take an active role in their psychiatric care and wellbeing.

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