Is My Husband a Narcissist?

Understanding Narcissism in Relationships

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a clinical diagnosis, and the traits can show up in your marriage in ways that make life very challenging. People with NPD have an excessive need for admiration, display a lack of empathy, and display a strong sense of entitlement. This can have an impact on your relationship.

A narcissistic husband will continuously put their needs above yours. His feelings will take priority in every way. The relationship can leave you feeling emotionally exhausted and unseen. Most of your conversations will circle back to him, and you’ll probably feel responsible for his happiness. You’ll likely find it hard—or impossible—to get your own needs met in your marriage.

It’s important to note that narcissistic traits exist on a spectrum. Just because your partner shows that they want attention or they are self-confident does not necessarily mean they’re narcissistic. 

Confidence can be healthy, but narcissism crosses a line when it becomes a daily quest for validation, a chronic lack of empathy, or blatant emotional manipulation. The American Psychological Association (APA) notes that narcissistic personalities are more than just overconfident and can transform into an emotionally abusive and toxic environment.

Common Signs of Narcissistic Behavior in a Spouse

There are several signs of narcissistic behavior in a marriage. You might recognize some or all of these narcissistic traits in your husband’s behavior patterns.  

Constant need for praise and validation

Husbands with a narcissistic personality crave admiration, compliments, and constant reassurance. This often comes at the expense of your own comfort and needs. Your spouse may expect praise for routine achievements. He may also become upset anytime he’s not the center of attention.  

Lack of empathy for your feelings

Many people with narcissistic partners feel invisible or unheard when sharing emotions or struggles with their spouse. Instead of being able to listen and validate your feelings, your husband might dismiss you or make you feel guilty for having needs. A narcissistic husband struggles to empathize and will instead focus on his own perspective and needs while minimizing yours.

Gaslighting or emotional manipulation

If you’ve ever questioned your own reality or made to feel like you were “crazy” for voicing your concerns, it’s likely the result of gaslighting, or in this case, narcissistic gaslighting. This form of emotional manipulation is frequently used by narcissistic partners to maintain control in the relationship.  

Control and possessiveness

People with NPD can be controlling and possessive over their partners. It’s a red flag if your husband has ever tracked your activities or questioned your relationships with others. Control and possessiveness can show up in more subtle ways, too, like if you find yourself apologizing when trying to set boundaries with a narcissistic partner, or you feel guilty about reaching out to loved ones for support.

Lack of accountability

Lack of accountability is a hallmark of narcissistic behavior. For example, your husband might refuse to apologize or admit he’s made a mistake, even when it’s obvious. He may turn things around, make everything your fault, or blame outside circumstances that “made him” behave in a certain way. 

Emotional highs and lows 

If you have a narcissistic husband, you’ve probably experienced his unpredictable emotional highs and lows. He may shower you with affection and attention one day, only to withdraw or lash out the next. Emotional swings like this make it challenging to trust any stability in your relationship. They can make you feel like you’re always walking on eggshells just to keep the peace.

What To Do If You Think Your Husband Is a Narcissist

Dealing with anyone who has narcissistic traits can be incredibly daunting. When it’s your husband, though, it can be even more overwhelming—not only are you navigating living with a narcissist, you’re also wrestling with how to get a narcissist to respect you as an equal partner. 

In this situation, it’s normal to worry about what to do and how to protect yourself emotionally from your partner. It’s also understandable to question if things can ever improve. Learning how to deal with a narcissistic husband won’t be easy, but you do have options.

Document patterns of behavior

Keep a journal and log interactions that cause confusion or make you feel manipulated. Recording the specifics of incidents will help you find clarity. It’s also a good way to understand patterns in your marriage so you can navigate or avoid certain situations. 

Documenting behavior patterns will be particularly helpful if your husband gaslights you, causing you to doubt your own reality. If you’re married to a love-bombing narcissist who causes intense relationship highs and lows that make it even harder to stay grounded, having a record of your truths will help you trust your perspective.

Talk to a therapist

Working with a mental health professional can offer the validation you need to begin healing from narcissistic abuse or leaving a narcissist for good. No matter which direction you decide to go in with your marriage, therapy helps rebuild your confidence and teaches you to set boundaries in your relationships.

Set clear emotional and physical boundaries

Boundaries are critical in all relationships, but when you have a narcissistic husband, they become even more essential. You have the right to protect your emotional, mental, and physical space. Setting boundaries in a marriage helps you regain agency. 

You might say no to the emotional dumping you’ve been experiencing, limit the personal information you share, or start prioritizing private time that’s just for you. Boundary setting is crucial in learning how to deal with a narcissistic husband.  

Don’t engage in power struggles

When you know that you’re right, it can be tempting to try to win arguments with your spouse or change his behavior. However, people with narcissistic traits thrive on conflict and drama in their relationships. Disengaging protects your emotional well-being and takes some of his power away. Instead of responding to a narcissist by feeding into a power struggle, try to focus on your own needs, rebuild outside support systems, and prioritize self-care.

Getting Advice to Understand Behavior

Getting help and seeking advice when dealing with a narcissistic husband doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re strong and care enough about yourself to seek support and find clarity. 

If you’re married to a narcissistic individual, Talkspace can be a resource for individualized support. It can be your safe space to process trauma and recognize the patterns in your relationship. Talkspace therapists will help you understand effective ways to communicate and set boundaries with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder. Together, you’ll untangle complex emotions about your relationship, so you feel validated in your experience. Reach out today for online therapy support from Talkspace.