What is Schizoid Personality Disorder? Defining, Understanding, and Treating SPD

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Schizoid Personality Disorder (SPD) is a condition largely marked by a lack of desire to form interpersonal relationships. Personality disorders like SPD differ from other mental health conditions in that they are thought to be deeply ingrained in the structures of a person’s psyche. It is this nature that makes them difficult, but not impossible, to treat.

The American Psychiatric Association notes that those with personality disorders have, “a way of thinking, feeling and behaving that deviates from the expectations of the culture, causes distress or problems functioning, and lasts over time.” And it is precisely that disconnect from cultural expectations, and longevity, that make those living with personality disorders suffer disconnection from their peers, friends and family.

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What Is “Quiet” Borderline Personality Disorder?

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Katie Reed, a blogger and mom of four from Salt Lake City, spent many years living with “quiet” borderline personality disorder before getting a proper diagnosis. Before that, she was misdiagnosed repeatedly — with bipolar disorder, Asperger’s syndrome, and anxiety disorder — none of which ever felt “right.”

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6 Ways to Deal With Your Narcissistic Boss

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Narcissism, or Narcissistic Personality Disorder, is almost as hard to deal with in the workplace as it is in family or intimate relationships. The most difficult situation is when your boss is a narcissist, because not only are you forced into close contact with your boss every day, but you are dependent on them for your income.

When your boss is unpredictable, self-centered, and easily upset, you might develop something akin to a PTSD response when you go into work each day. You are terrified of being insulted, shamed in front of coworkers, overlooked for opportunities, or even fired. Fortunately, though, there are ways to deal with your narcissistic boss that may allow you to survive and even thrive at work. Continue reading 6 Ways to Deal With Your Narcissistic Boss

4 Tips for Co-Parenting With a Narcissist

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Co-parenting is never easy, but co-parenting with a narcissist is a whole different ballgame. Narcissists are self-centered and incapable of putting anyone’s needs ahead of their own — including the needs of their own kids! Narcissists love chaos, drama, and control. Truly personality-disordered narcissists keep you off balance by forcing you to ride a roller coaster of abuse and seduction.

Here are four strategies that will help you build your strength and reduce stress:

1. Manage Your Expectations

A narcissist will not change, so it’s critical that you remember that the chaos and drama he creates is not about you. In the relationship, did he make you feel like you were walking on eggshells, always second-guessing, never good enough? Putting others off balance is a narcissist’s secret weapon, and he won’t give that up no matter what. Don’t expect him to step up, become empathetic, or give up his desire for emotional control. Managing your expectations will make things easier. Knowing that he won’t change establishes the groundwork for the next strategy. Continue reading 4 Tips for Co-Parenting With a Narcissist

7 Signs Your Partner Is A Narcissist

woman with narcissist man partner smug expression

Narcissism, or Narcissistic Personality Disorder, has hit the mainstream. Although narcissism was always prevalent in about the same percentages of the population, the disorder is more widely discussed now than ever before. Because of the prevalence of discussions about narcissism in the political sphere — and its appearance in books and articles shared on social media — many clients wonder if their partner meets a criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Nobody can be diagnosed without being evaluated by a licensed therapist, but there are some clues in your everyday life that your partner may, in fact, be a narcissist. I will use the male pronoun here, but narcissists can be any gender. Continue reading 7 Signs Your Partner Is A Narcissist

How Narcissists Act in Bed Might Surprise You

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In recent years, there has been a huge uptick in awareness about narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Many people notice flagrant examples of narcissism, like a coworker who talks endlessly about herself or a date who says most women tell him he’s the most attractive guy they’ve met on Tinder. But sometimes narcissism can be less obvious, and its signs may be counterintuitive.

This is the case particularly in the bedroom. Here’s a list of some sexual characteristics of narcissists. Some might not surprise you, but others could challenge your preconceived notions of narcissism.

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I Am A Psychopath

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Psychopath. It’s a loaded word that immediately brings to mind many associated images. Serial killers and violent criminals tend to be the heart of people’s assumptions. Psychopaths dominate the villain role in media across all forms of entertainment and often take center stage in news broadcasts. Nothing about the word, or the psychopathic person, is good. They are fundamentally evil and should be treated as such.

In many people’s minds this is a belief carved in stone. This is unfortunate because it is mythology at its worst. Psychopathy, a terrible word on its face, is a widely misunderstood and demonized condition due to many factors. The media of course has a large role in this, but the study of psychopaths is also done on prison populations. It seems like a very good place to do so, as the assumption is that psychopaths are unrepentant criminals.

However, the study of those in prison represents but a fraction of the psychopathic community at large. Most of us are among you, your friends, your neighbors, a person with the same basic abiding human nature as you. There is a brilliant quote by Armon J. Tamatea that I often repeat: “Psychopaths in many ways are the least and most visible members of our communities.” We are defined by the worst of us, because the rest of us stay hidden from sight. This is because we are not like those inhabiting the world around us. In fact, we are very different. Continue reading I Am A Psychopath

What It Really Means to be a Psychopath, Sociopath, or Narcissist

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Psychopath, sociopath, narcissist — these are words we sometimes throw around when talking about people who have difficult personalities or have been harmful to us in some way. Many of my clients, for example, have used these terms to describe their exes or people they don’t like. It’s often used in a pejorative sense.

But what does all of that really mean? The differences are more nuanced and complicated than you may think.

To understand these labels better, we need to first discuss what the basis is for understanding a person’s character or personality. A personality is a cluster of traits that makes up a person’s essence or “feel.” It’s how they interact with the world around them. Continue reading What It Really Means to be a Psychopath, Sociopath, or Narcissist

Am I a Good Person? A Borderline Personality Perspective

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This piece is part of our Darkest Day series, a collection of stories from people who’ve made it through the worst of their illness and now light the way for others. #LightYourWay

Am I a good person? It’s a question we all ask ourselves from time to time, but for people with Borderline Personality Disorder, it carries special significance.

As someone living with BPD, I’ve heard all sorts of negative comments about those dealing with the condition: we’re manipulative, angry, selfish, unable to empathize, incapable of maintaining long-term commitments — the list goes on. While it’s true that many people with BPD do exhibit some of these qualities at various times, they don’t describe all of us, at all times.

I’d love to say that I’ve never exhibited any of these qualities, but BPD, like most mental health disorders, exists on a sliding scale of severity. It’s a spectrum, one that changes depending on the amount of pressure being applied.

I’ve never been under as much pressure as I was in 2014. My second marriage fell apart in February (seemingly overnight, but was actually the result of many years of neglect and denial). In the weeks that followed, I enjoyed a tryst that ended horrendously (another story for another time). Then, on a rainy April afternoon, I found out I was pregnant with my fourth child (I’d spent the two years leading up to that moment on a waiting list to get my tubes tied). Continue reading Am I a Good Person? A Borderline Personality Perspective