Relationship PTSD, or post traumatic relationship syndrome (PTRS), is a form of traumatic stress caused by abusive or unhealthy relationships. Relationship trauma can cause lasting damage to self-esteem and make it difficult to form close, healthy relationships with others. Keep reading to learn more about relationship PTSD.
Defining Relationship PTSD
Whether a relationship involves physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, any abusive relationship can be a source of deep and lasting trauma. Leaving the intimate relationship can potentially stop the abuse. Still, someone may continue to feel the effects of the abuse long after the relationship has ended. It can even prevent the person from engaging in another romantic relationship.
Relationship PTSD is a proposed category that describes trauma caused by abusive intimate relationships. While it’s common for people to push away their feelings or avoid thinking about their trauma, people with relationship post-traumatic stress disorder tend to revisit their trauma over and over again. They may even look for ways to blame themselves for the abuse they’ve experienced.
Relationship PTSD vs PTRS
A true PTSD diagnosis requires people to show symptoms from 4 categories:
- Re-experiencing symptoms: These symptoms make people feel like they’re reliving a traumatic event. Flashbacks, nightmares, and intrusive memories are all examples of re-experiencing symptoms.
- Avoidance symptoms: Avoidance causes people to avoid situations, places, or people that remind them of their traumatic experience.
- Hyperarousal symptoms: These symptoms can make a person feel like they’re always in danger. They may be easily startled or have trouble relaxing.
- Cognitive symptoms: Cognitive symptoms influence a person’s thoughts and moods. They can include negative beliefs and difficulty enjoying yourself or feeling happy.
It’s possible to experience any of these symptoms after an abusive relationship, but many victims of intimate partner abuse don’t have avoidance symptoms. Instead, they may fixate on the past relationship and replay events in their head. PTRS also includes symptoms specific to relationship trauma, such as fear of an abusive partner.
Can you have PTSD from relationships?
Relationship trauma often causes additional symptoms distinct from PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), but it’s possible to develop PTSD in relationships. Violence and threats of violence or death occur in many abusive relationships and can lead to PTSD. Whether a person has PTSD symptoms or symptoms more specific to PTRS, finding ways to heal from any abusive environment is essential.
Symptoms of Relationship PTSD
Despite being widely accepted as “real” by the professional mental health community, relationship PTSD still isn’t included in the latest edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Thus, it’s yet to be formally recognized as an actual, diagnosable condition. There are, however, several symptoms consistent with someone who’s suffered the trauma of an abusive relationship.
Even though there isn’t a documented, agreed-upon list of symptoms yet, experts do believe that the following is likely:
- Immediate response: Extreme fear and anger or rage toward the abuser
- Response as abuse continues: Intrusive, arousal, and relational symptoms
Symptoms that cause someone to re-experience the trauma of their abuse are categorized as intrusive symptoms. Examples of these symptoms include:
- Nightmares related to your trauma
- Flashbacks or feelings that you’re reliving your trauma
- Extreme responses to emotional stressors
- Intrusive thoughts related to your trauma
- Feeling intense distress when reminded of your trauma
- Experiencing physical anxiety symptoms when you think about your abuse, like a pounding heart or shaking hands
Traumatic stress can put your body in a perpetual state of high alert. These symptoms are your body’s way of preparing you to respond to the threat of abuse. Symptoms may include:
- Feeling irritable or on edge
- Struggling to concentrate
- Sleep problems, including issues falling or staying asleep
- Feeling anxious or panicked when you remember your abuse
While PTSD symptoms can strain many aspects of life, PTRS can cause symptoms more specifically related to current relationships. These symptoms might include the following:
- An attraction to unhealthy relationship dynamics
- Jumping into a relationship when you’re not emotionally ready
- Feeling like you don’t deserve a healthy relationship
- Struggling to trust others
- Blaming yourself for the abuse
- Losing interest in sex; other forms of sexual dysfunction
Causes of Relationship PTSD
What causes PTSD in relationships? While someone may develop acute or chronic PTSD after a single traumatic event, relationship PTSD is generally caused by repeated abuse trauma. It can be the result of any type of abuse.
“There is not just one incident, but different incidents over the course of time in an abusive relationship that may cause PTSD. Incidents experienced in abusive relationships can cause PTSD. These may include physical, mental, verbal, or sexual abuse. When a person goes through any of these traumatic experiences, the brain creates a mental record that warns the individual in the future, making it difficult to build trust or form relationships.”Talkspace therapist Cynthia V. Catchings, LCSW-S
Physical abuse occurs when a partner uses force against you or threatens you with bodily harm. It can include throwing objects, pushing, slapping, scratching, choking, or physically restraining a partner. Physical abuse often begins with a single incident but can escalate over time.
Sexual abuse involves forcing or coercing someone to engage in sexual activity if they don’t consent or if they revoke their consent. It can also describe behavior intended to control someone’s sexual activity, like tampering with or hiding birth control. Examples of sexual abuse include unwanted touching or kissing, pressuring someone to engage in sexual acts, or sexual violence against someone who didn’t consent.
Emotional abuse uses emotions to frighten, manipulate, or control another person’s behavior. Examples of emotional abuse include:
- Gaslighting in relationships
- Name-calling and insults
- Isolating you from others
- Controlling access to finances
- Making you feel extreme guilt for minor mistakes
What Triggers Relationship PTSD
When someone has post-traumatic relationship trauma, it can result in them viewing many interactions through the lens of abuse. These interactions could cause PTSD symptoms. There are many triggers for PTSD in relationships, including:
- Not being given clear directions
- Feeling confused or misunderstood
- Intense stimuli like bright lights and loud sounds
- Emotional intimacy
- Being given responsibility
- Loud noises
- Scents that remind you of an abusive partner
“Triggers may include sounds, smells, places, or people. When the person is in touch with any of these, their response can vary depending on the level of trauma experienced and the state of mind of the person at the time.”Talkspace therapist Cynthia V. Catchings, LCSW-S
How to Cope with Relationship PTSD
While relationship PTSD can make it difficult to form connections with others, there are ways to manage your symptoms and heal from the trauma. When it comes to how to deal with PTSD, first, work to develop coping skills and get the help you need. You can eventually recover from the abuse that you’ve experienced.
- Find ways to self-soothe: If you’re feeling distressed or anxious, practice grounding techniques for PTSD that will help you relax, or other methods you could use for PTSD management. For example, you can try doing breathing exercises for anxiety or using a weighted blanket.
- Reach out to others for support: A robust support system can help you throughout your recovery. Talk to trusted friends and family members or join support groups for abuse victims.
- Try self-monitoring: Tracking your behavior can help identify triggers and make you more aware of your thoughts and actions. It can help you recognize symptoms so that you can address them.
- Use distraction techniques: When you think about the abuse you experienced or your abuser, look for a distraction. Watch a movie, play a game, or focus on a puzzle until the thoughts pass.
- Start therapy: Working with a therapist can help you heal from your trauma. In treatment, you’ll be able to talk about your feelings and experiences without judgment. Cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT for PTSD is a popular, effective form of therapy often used in PTSD treatment.
“Processing, understanding, and working with the negative thoughts and feelings that result from relationship PTSD can help the person cope with the symptoms. Having the guidance of a therapist can make this process easier and sometimes faster.”Talkspace therapist Cynthia V. Catchings, LCSW-S
Overcome Relationship PTSD with Talkspace
The trauma of an abusive relationship can be overwhelming and have a lasting impact on your mental health. Talkspace is an online therapy platform that makes getting help easy, convenient, and affordable.
When you use Talkspace, you’ll be connected with an online therapist who’ll help you discuss, process, and, eventually, heal from your trauma. A mental health professional can help you manage your feelings and build healthy relationships with others so you don’t have to live with the aftermath of an abusive relationship.
Talkspace mental health services
Convenient and secure online therapy from the comfort of your home
Psychiatric treatment from a licensed prescriber
Relationship-centered therapy that connects you and your partner
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