I see that stage of my life as dark pages to be flipped quickly. I still consider it the toughest struggle I’ve ever been through and hope my challenges don’t get harder than being a young patient dealing with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder [OCD].
The symptoms first showed up during 10th grade. I had unusual thoughts instructing me to undertake certain actions. They were actually more like commands.
It seemed normal in the beginning, but these thoughts gradually increased. They became intense and repetitive, so repetitive it was distracting. I felt I had to obey the thoughts to stop them from recurring. As I yielded to a thought, obeying its command, it did shut up for a while, but only until another new one showed up in the same compulsive way. The thoughts followed one another in an endless loop. I couldn’t escape no matter how hard I tried.
The disorder got so severe that I sometimes wished for death, believing it was the only way to end the battle taking place in my mind. I lived in a state of perpetual mental exhaustion. Continue reading My Struggle With OCD: Quieting the Mind’s Commands