Own your now

If you want to make changes in your life but never seem to take the actions necessary to achieve them, start by being honest about whether these goals are truly your desires, or what others want for you or society tells you you should want. Once you’ve gotten clear on what you want, it’s time to take action—but start small, and expect setbacks. “Highlight smaller objectives, break down goals into steps in order to accumulate some small wins,” says Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C. “Our avoidance pathways are stubborn and want what’s comfortable versus what’s unfamiliar, which leads to procrastination. So we have to give our brains a chance to re-establish a new way. We all have neuroplasticity—the ability to teach our brains new habits—but it takes time!” Patience and perseverance are key to lasting change.

“To identify what stands between you and the life you want, first think about your passions, your values, and the things that make you happy,” says Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, PhD, LCSW. If you conclude that you truly do want to make these changes, “Next you have to consider the obstacles in your way, and whether they are real or in your head. Sometimes it's the expectations of others, sometimes it is fear of failing, sometimes it is not wanting to disappoint people in your life.” Once you’ve identified the fears, uncertainties, or practical factors that are holding you back you need to take an honest look at what is more important to you—achieving your goals or maintaining the status quo. Ask yourself some tough questions. “Are the obstacles standing in your way ones that shouldn't be in your life, people that you should stand up to, or real challenges that may cause harm to you or others?” says Chapple. A therapist can help guide this conversation.

Starting therapy is one of the most rewarding things you can do for yourself. That doesn’t mean the process is always easy in the beginning. If you’ve never done it before, knowing how to start therapy can feel overwhelming. Still, the end result can be so rewarding and life-changing that most people agree therapy is worth it.

First, let go of any stigmas you may have about therapy—our society often makes it seem like asking for help with mental health issues is a bad thing. The reality is that deciding that you’re ready to start living your best life, and then actually doing the work, is one of the best things you can do. Before you actually go into the first session, attempt to create an elevator pitch of your reasons for seeking therapy. Try to come up with a succinct, clear, simple explanation that expresses your ultimate goals. For therapy to be successful, you need to be as open and dedicated as possible to the process. The more you put into it, the more benefits of therapy you’ll experience.

It’s important to remember that there’s no “perfect” time to start therapy. Therapy and counseling are great tools to incorporate into your life at any time. Your life can feel organized or it can feel messy. You can feel really great or really down. You may feel well-connected or you may feel alone. You might know the exact issue you want to discuss or you may have just a vague notion of a mental health problem. No matter what you’re facing, it’s never too soon or too late to get started—it’s always a great time to start working with a therapist or counselor.