Why You Shouldn’t Check Your Partner’s Phone

Attractive man confronting bad news on his phone

As a therapist, I can’t tell you how many times clients come to me with information that they have gleaned from checking their partners’ phone. Some people will come in with screenshots of text conversations between their partner and others, hoping to dissect them to determine whether their partner was flirting or whether the conversation was just platonic.

Others come in with call records, telling me that it can’t be innocent when a partner calls a “friend” five times in a week. Some people fear that a significant other is cheating on them and comb through their partner’s email, looking for something that they can use as evidence of infidelity.

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Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship (+ How to Get Out of It)

Fashionable man looking sad

Online, our relationship was great. We had a lot in common. We couldn’t get enough of each other’s “texting company.” It may seem crazy to you, but it seemed like a good idea at the time: I invited a person I’d never met to fly halfway across the world — not only to meet me in person, but also to stay in my apartment for the two weeks she was visiting. I hoped the relationship would turn into something rich and real, distance be damned. Bad decision.

Just two days into her stay, the red flags started going up. She manipulated me, created a hostile atmosphere in my home, initiated never-ending drama, made ridiculous demands of me, criticized me often, talked poorly about me behind my back, forbade me from talking to friends about our relationship. Can you say toxic? I can, and thankfully, I got this person out of my life. But it wasn’t easy.

How To Tell If You’re In A Toxic Relationship

While there are plenty of signs you may be in a toxic relationship, it’s not always clear when you’re deep in the dynamic itself. Often times, a toxic partnership starts out well enough, but then slowly (and subtly) starts to erode your sense of self. One of the first warning signs of a potential toxic relationship is that the other person is consistently violating your boundaries.

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Toxic Love: The Relationship that Almost Undid Me

Woman alone in New York City with buildings

This piece is part of our Darkest Day series, a collection of stories from people who’ve made it through the worst of their illness and now light the way for others.

It must be possible to spend your early 20s in a way that doesn’t prompt later regret. Knowing what it feels like to be, say, 22, newly graduated from college, and recently moved in with a drop-out junk dealer boyfriend, it’s hard for me to imagine. Some people must have the strength of character, or luck, or some combination, to skip over the throwing-your-life-away-as-soon-as-it becomes-your-own stage of development. I’m curious about them.

When I was 22, I decided to throw my life away with the most unsuitable person I had met to date.

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Journey of A Young Therapist: Finding the Path Through the Rubble

Finding the Path Through the Rubble_ Journey of A Young Therapist

“To be tested is good. The challenged life may be the best therapist.” – Gail Sheehy

– by Angela Gunn, LCSW / Talkspace Therapist 

The devastation from Nepal’s recent earthquake naturally stirred compassion within me, but also a strong emotional reaction of a different kind. It compelled me to share my own story of self-destruction and healing with you – a chronicling of events that ultimately led me to become a therapist. While I can’t imagine what the Nepalese people are going through right now, I would like to remind the rest of us that our personal turmoil and painful experiences are still valid and worthy of being heard. And so, I am going to share mine with you now. Continue reading Journey of A Young Therapist: Finding the Path Through the Rubble