As life goes on and my previous relationships recede in the rearview, I still can’t stop thinking about my exes — and not about how much I hate them. It’s quite the opposite, actually. I’ll find myself remembering the good times we shared together, how amazing it felt to fall in love and be loved back, and how much I cared for them. I catch myself looking back on my partners as though they — and everything about our relationship — were perfect.
The reality of it, though, is that I’m just romanticizing my ex-partners and — conveniently — not thinking about all the negative and unhealthy aspects of those relationships. I’d rather think about the special romantic days than the days spent crying and arguing. Continue reading Why Do We Romanticize Our Ex-Partners?
Many clients come in to therapy telling me that they don’t feel happy or fulfilled in their relationship. Instead of being excited to be with their partner, they feel stuck, bored, and trapped. When we discuss the idea of leaving, though, many of these clients feel anxious or outright terrified at the prospect.
Why do people settle for less in relationships? Why do they end up stuck in loveless or conflicted relationships, feeling like there’s no way out? And how can you know if you’re settling for less in your own relationship? Continue reading 7 Ways Fear Makes You Settle for Less in Your Relationship
When you are feeling down, it is natural to want to turn to your partner for love and support. Our partner is the person who often knows us best, and who can be counted on to take our side and have our back. This can make us feel very loved and taken care of, but it can also mean that, under times of stress, we rely on our partner too excessively.
Why is this unhealthy for a relationship and how can you tell if you are treating your partner like your therapist? Continue reading Your Partner is Not Your Therapist
When you’re in the beginning stages of a relationship, it’s easy for everything to seem perfect and for your partner to appear flawless. You probably romanticize everything they do and can’t get them out of your head. “Early feels” are usually characterized by a whole lot of infatuation, and it can be difficult to distinguish if what you feel is the “real deal.”
The beginning of a relationship is likely when you feel the most chemistry drawing you and your partner together, making you feel like you’re on cloud nine. The struggle for an ongoing relationship that lasts – the real deal – is finding a balance between chemistry and consistency to keep the relationship strong. But how do you determine if what you’re feeling is more than just sparks and if it’s a relationship worth pursuing? Continue reading Is It Real?: Honeymoon Phase vs. Real Deal Feels
For as long as I can remember having interest in boys, I’ve been chasing them. I chase endlessly — the guys who won’t text me back, the guys who I know don’t want a relationship, the guy who barely know I exist. There’s one guy who I literally chased on and off from ages 14 to 23. Seriously. 9 years! And yet when winning someone’s affection is easy, it’s…not as exciting. And I’m probably far from alone in feeling this.
For many people (self included, obviously) being addicted to the dating chase is very much a pattern and a bad habit. We may overlook the good that we have right in front of us because we’re too focused on feeling the rush of the pursuit or moving onto the next new, exciting thing. Continue reading Why We’re Addicted to the “Dating Chase” (and How to Stop)
As a New York Jewish woman, I am more than a little familiar with the term “neurotic.” It has been used to describe me – along with several of my family members – more than once. Sometimes the word makes me cringe – and I definitely think that it has negative connotations in our culture. At other times, though, “neurotic” feels endearing. After all, some of our best comedians use “neurotic” as a badge of honor, and find the self-deprecating humor in all their many neuroses. Continue reading What it Means to Be “Neurotic”
The wellness industry, which grew 12.8% from 2015-2017 to a $4.2 trillion global market, has done an amazing job at convincing us that self-care is a luxury.
I fell straight into the trap of thinking exotic yoga retreats, expensive green juices, and fancy trips to the spa were the only ways to practice self-care. Over the years I’ve learned (as has my wallet) that self-care doesn’t need to be so elaborate. Rather, the best forms of self-care are those everyday practices that help you feel more balanced, more present, and more intentional on a regular basis. Continue reading Low-cost Solutions That Can Improve Your Mental Health
Your relationship with your therapist is very different from other relationships, but one thing is the same: sometimes you need a change. How can you tell when it’s time to switch therapists? Continue reading When is It Time to Switch Therapists?
Finding a therapist was one of the best decisions of my life.
At the time, I had been struggling with symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (although I didn’t know that’s what I was experiencing), an eating disorder (I didn’t want to admit), and high anxiety levels (so high that my relationship and performance at work were taking a nosedive). I felt like my life was falling apart and I didn’t know what to do. Continue reading The Science Behind How Long Therapy Takes
Therapy is supposed to be a safe place; it is the one area where you know that you’re not being judged for your thoughts or behaviors.
Yet, for some mysterious reason, some of us lie to our therapists, or implicitly lie by not telling them the full truth about key issues in our lives. Continue reading Why People Lie to Their Therapists